Posted: 02/06/2006

When a Stranger Calls

(2006)

by Tony Liccardello

The ‘cheesy’ horror vehicle relies on many things to win at the box office. They include hot bodies in complementing clothing, protagonists that run up the steps instead of out the door, plenty of blood and gore, and the villain with a disdain for people that are living. Now when you limit the cheese vehicle with a PG-13 rating, have a horrible script, and are re-making a solid horror film, the result is ‘When a Stranger Calls’. The film is a remake of the 1979 film of the same title.

The story begins with Jill Johnson, a high school student who loves to wear ab-flattering attire. The depth of her character is equivalent to a cardboard cut-out, but she looks great. Jill goes 800 minutes over her cell phone plan, which results in her grounding and taking a babysitting job to help pay the bill. But as an audience member, you don’t care. You just are forced to watch a pointless 30 minute exposition that is boring and cliché-filled. You wait for the movie to become better, but it never does. At the hour mark, reality sets in. The movie has gone downhill from the opening credits. I look at the people around me. Some are sleeping. But the crowd is mainly filled with Jr. High and High school kids. They seem to watch in innocence.

Jill gets dropped off at the house by her father. The owners of the house gives her a tour, emergency contact numbers, and then are off to dinner and a movie. This is where the movie really struggles to generate any interest. She starts to receive calls from someone who enjoys breathing in the phone. The voice sounds like a combination of the phone voice from ‘Scream’ and someone with a really bad cold. The action is predictable to say the least. For example, while Jill browses around the house, she finds a remote. The camera does an over-the-top zoom on the remote. She presses the button. There is a quick cut to the fire, with a slow pan-in. This is amateur filmmaking. Clues aren’t meant to be given with a hammer over the head. It is not meant to be funny, but many sequences like this are. Director Simon West has bastardized the use of foreshadowing.

Jill becomes paranoid about the strange caller and contacts the police. In the meantime she keeps herself busy walking around the house and eating popsicles. After Jill finds out that the stranger is calling from within the house, the action ensues. How a 100 pound girl can fight off a grown man is beyond me. Numerous chases give way. There is even an underwater scene. Jill runs into a room and hides. The slow walking shadowy killer who bears an uncanny resemblance to the T-1000 from Terminator 2 (at least while he is masked in shadows) follows Jill. Repeat. Then add a different setting. Repeat. I won’t give details about the climax because I don’t have to. It is as fun as banging two can openers together until one breaks.

The dialogue is bad, but the lack of suspense kills the film. The experience that Simon West generated from directing Tomb Raider and Con Air obviously haven’t helped. The scenes that involved Jill (Camilla Belle) eluding the mysterious killer are boring. The musical score is as generic as something you could make on I-Music in about 5 minutes. The PG-13 rating does not help. Die-hard horror fans looking for a satisfying gutting or throat slash will be sadly disappointed. There is also zero nudity, and the violence is so absent, that they probably could have pushed for the PG rating. Even if you are the hardest of the hardcore on horror, this film isn’t for you.

Instead of seeing this film, venture to apple.com, and watch the trailer once or twice. You’ll save a lot of your time, your 9 dollar ticket price, and take away the same experience; a horrible movie.

Grade: 0 out of 5 stars

Tony Liccardello is a writer and film critic currenly living in Michigan.

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