Posted: 07/02/2006

Waist Deep

(2006)

by Tony Liccardello

The only piece of information that you need to know about Waist Deep, is that it was directed by the same douche that crapped out Glitter, the film that may be the sole reason for Mariah Carey’s nervous breakdown that lasted several years. The last time Vondie Curtis-Hall found work as a writer and director, Leonardo DiCaprio was on the wall of every teenage girls room. Yeah, remember Titanic? When you haven’t found work in nearly a decade, maybe there is a reason.

So the producers cast hip-hop artist The Game and Tyrese, and try to call this a modern day Bonnie and Clyde. That is funny, it really is. That is like saying Uwe Boll will be the next Spielberg or better yet, smoking crack is good for your brain. This is a copy and pasted story that rips off from films like Man on Fire, John Q, or Ransom and looks like every rap video on MTV. The story is an excuse for an abundance of slow motion shots, tons of rap music, rap music, and some more rap music. One thing this film does do well, is prove yet again that rappers can’t act and have no business in film. Stick to drinking 40’s and rapping about bitches.

The story is as played out as reality television. Tyrese plays O2, one of the dumbest character names since Jar-Jar Binx. He is a recently paroled low-life who is trying to get his life back together, so what better way than to be a security guard at a grocery store! Tyrese (I refuse to use his character name) gets setup, and a group of baddies steal his car with his son in the back of the car. The car leads back to Meat (The Game), a kingpin of drugs and things that are illegal. Character names like O2 and Meat really give hope to screenwriters everywhere that their stories have a chance with incoherent trash like this.

Meat demands lots of money or Tyrese’s son will start getting cut up in pieces.

So what do they do? Tyrese teams up with Coco, (Meagan Good) the bitch that set him up in the beginning and his loser cousin Lucky (Larenz Tate) to start robbing banks in effort to pay Meat. Why are 3 of the 4 main characters named after food or drinks? And Meagan Good should change her name to Meagan Sucks because she flat out can’t act. Meagan, try sticking to booty shaking in Jay-Z videos please.

The dialogue is filled with failed one liners aimed at every stereotype in book. The action scenes could be edited out and fit into any lame action scene within the past decade. No excitement at all. During the climactic scene between Meat and O2 (read that again, I keep thinking Aqua Teen Hunger Force), I read the ingredients on my package of skittles.

This is definitely one of the worst films of the year. I would rather have someone put lemon juice in my eyes that watch this again. Don’t wait until this comes out on Dvd, HBO, or even television. Don’t ever see it. Please.

Grade:0 stars

Tony Liccardello is a film critic living in the Midwest.

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