Posted: 06/27/2004

The Stepford Wives

(2004)

by Hank Yuloff

Remake of ’70s classic almost lives up to expectations.

Imagine a world where your spouse is forever the ideal mate whose attention you captured when you were first dating. My world is still like that, but for those who feel their relationship has …. not kept up to its promise, I would like to introduce you to the planned community of Stepford, Connecticut, where manicured lawns, community picnics in the park and women in sun dresses (in Connecticut?) and warm smiles greet you at every turn. Is it too good to be true, from a male’s point of view?

Enter the Eberhart family.

Joanna Eberhart has just lost her job as the President of a TV network because one of her reality show stunts went terribly, terribly wrong. She had been on a 5 year run of success to the fall has sent her into a depression of 1929 proportions. Her husband, Walter, was a Vice President of the network and in support of his beloved, quits his job and they move, incomeless, to one of the highest end neighborhoods this side of Newport, Rhode Island. Small plot hole? Yes. The first of many, but this generally funny remake of the 1975 horror flick is tolerable enough to make for a good rental on a Saturday night.

As Joanna comes out of her funk, she notices that there is something a little “off” with her fellow members of the Stepford Women’s Day Spa. They are just too submissive to their men. I am going to assume that you have probably heard of the original movie so it is not a give away to say that the men folk have done something to their wives to make them this way. In the original, they replaced them with robots. In this remake, they just alter them, leaving them human, but adding microprocessor chips (which did not exist in 1975, though robots did) to their brains. The problem is that early in the film we see one of the men, Mike Wellington twist the head of a woman and sparks fly from her body. OK… Is she a robot or a human? Large plot hole here.

Will Joanna foil their eeeeeevil plot? Will Walter get the woman of his dreams back? Will there be one really good plot twist that you will figure out pretty early? Yea, Eventually, and Maybe. It is this one plot twist at the end that, if you don’t figure it out will be amusing enough to make it worth the short while you devote to this film.

The Eberharts are played by Nicole Kidman (Eyes Wide Shut, Birthday Girl) and Matthew Broderick (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Biloxi Blues). Their dysfunctional relationship seems to be odd for the entertainment industry: neither is happy but they stay together for the sake of the children. So much for accuracy in story plots. Broderick was particularly replaceable in this film, I felt he brought nothing to the role. Kidman, who has turned in some magnificent performances seems to have come down off Cold Mountain and taken “a break” with this film.

Christopher Walken, who was the real reason I wanted to see this film also seems to be taking the same break. Walken, who established himself as The Odd Duck You Don’t Want To Cross as far back as 1988 in Biloxi Blues and 1977 in Annie Hall (Duane Hall, the brother who dreams of driving into oncoming traffic) was nowhere near his creepiest. I wonder if there is a reason he does not seem as humanly evil as possible. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Was there an acting highlight? Bette Midler was in the film, so yes. Midler (Beaches, First Wives Club) plays Bobbie Markowitz, a bitter edged author who becomes Joanna’s buddy in crime. Midler is the reason to watch the film.

So watch Stepford Wives with your hunny, bring her some popcorn, rub her feet and make her think you are her robot love god for the night. Might make renting this one worth it.

Hank Yuloff is our very happily married writer in Los Angeles where he lives with his perfect wife and never wants for anything in the relationship.

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