Posted: 04/14/2005

The Amityville Horror

(2005)

by Clint Fletcher

I know that it seems like I’m whining, folks. And perhaps I have been a bit cranky lately, but I’m just getting sick and tired of this movie season. I haven’t seen a bad flick in months, but on the other hand I haven’t seen anything that’s knocked my socks off either. Do you believe in internal combustion? Because believe you me, its going to happen soon if I don’t see a change in pattern.

My current case: add The Amityville Horror to the long list of the “not too shabby.”

Much like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (also produced by the same company), I could understand completely on why they would want to remake this puppy. While some remakes are uncalled for and others just downright ridiculous, remakes in the horror genre is a concept that I can really get behind simply because when a horror flick becomes out-dated, it also becomes difficult to watch. Hell, I can’t even sit through a Hitchcock movie these days without trying to modernize it in my head to make it more scary. I’m sure this is just me and my youthful age talking. In twenty years when they remake Scream I’ll probably throw a hissy fit too. But some horror movies become just so damn laughable over the years that I really support these horror remake companies. Now, let’s move on to the show.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the story before. Once there was a family and in that family was a loony son. One night, the said looney son took out his entire family with a shot gun, even his little 4-year-old sis (which is actually depicted in this new remake, fucked up stuff!). After the boy was committed, he released to the public that he heard voices coming from inside the house that told him to murder his family. He also suffered from hallucinations that led him to believe that his family members were also Satanic demons. Fast forward one year. The Lutz family is moving in. Or actually, George Lutz, his wife and her three kids are moving in. Of course the childrens’ father is dead and yes, the kids are having trouble adapting to mommy’s new husband. Thank God the dead dad isn’t part of the storyline as I predicted earlier. But anyway, everything that happened to that looney son before is now happening to George. Even some of the kids go a little crazy, spotting ghosts all over the house and sensing an all-around evil vibe. As the film builds up to the family’s 28th day in the house (the day the original murders happened), chaos builds until finally George does the inevitable—attempts to kill his own family.

Where The Amityville Horror succeeds beyond other modern horror flicks isn’t in the way it scares, but the number of times a scare occurs. For once, quantity beats quality. Once this flick gets rolling, it doesn’t stop to let you catch your breath and there’s barely a minute that goes by without a ghost popping out somewhere or some bizarre incident occurring (like the daughter climbing up to the tower of the roof which about made me shit my pants). But the real element that takes this movie over the edge of mediocre is the performance of Mr. Ryan Reynolds. After holding his own in comedy and action in recent years, the dude can now call himself a bonafide leading man after turning in one of the most intense and downright creepy performances in recent memory. To watch this man elevate from heaven to hell over the course of this film is truly a treat. You never know what he’s going to do or say next, but you just know he will grab your attention no matter what. Special kudos go out to Melissa George as well, who kept me emotionally engaged with her thought process all the way through. As she progressively loses grip on her loved ones, you’re right there with her every step of the way. And she should get a damn Oscar just for that scene on the porch after saving her daughter.

Now of course every film has its flaws, especially in horror. My first problem is the believability of a 110-pound, 29 year-old model already being the mother of three, including a fifteen year-old, but I guess that’s Hollywood for you. As far as story goes, the only element I can’t look past is the fact that from day one, some serious and extremely obvious shit starts going down in that house and the wife knows something is wrong from the get-go. But even after her kid tries to commit suicide, her husband goes looney and others are seeing ghosts, she just remains living in the house and doesn’t do anything about it. Then finally she visits a Priest (on day 28, go figure) who says “get the fuck out of that house, bitch! Run!” Good God, woman, just pack up your shit and leave already! Screw your husband! I know you love him but the dude carries an ax around all day scaring the hell out of your kids. He’s not worth it. Also, the wife realizes fairly quickly that her husband returns to normal when leaving the house, so why not try and get him out of there while you still have some control?

In closing- don’t fret my pets. You’ll be so engaged with the movie and the never-ending scare factor that you’ll probably tend to overlook the aforementioned problems. If ghosts popping out and lots of flashes and “jump” scenarios are what tingle your spine (think The Grudge), then The Amityville Horror is right up your alley. If those things don’t scare you, then at least check it out for Reynold’s and Melissa’s performances. But see it in the theater. I doubt the small box will have the same effect.

Clint Fletcher is a writer, critic, filmmaker and gigolo from Chicago.

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