Posted: 08/05/2005

Stealth

(2005)

by Clint Fletcher

For those of you reading this review (excluding my obsessed, dedicated fans) I applaud you. Word on the street is this movie blows, but I’m here to remind you that the Word of Fletch is the only one that matters. I’d also like to mention that despite the general critics’ opinion on this flick, I found it thoroughly enjoyable and even “good” in some aspects. This may have to do with the fact that I’m a huge action fan as I’ve mentioned many times or Jessica Biel’s ass. You decide.

Josh Lucas, Jamie Foxx and Biel star as US Navy pilots chosen to lead a special technological branch whose responsibilities are testing out new weapons and other flight technology for the military. After flying together for years as a 3-person team, the trio learn that a fourth plane will be added to their unit that is controlled by artificial technology. Nicknamed “Eddie,” this plane can perform numerous stunts that humans cannot and doesn’t possess human emotion which makes it easier to follow orders from superiors. But then a lighting strike causes the machine to somehow go haywire and start all kinds of crazy shit with secret military files, foreign terrorist locations and most importantly, our three pilots.

That last paragraph was pointless because this movie isn’t about the plot. If it were then I wouldn’t be writing right now because I’d be too busy drowning myself in the sink or by some other horrible means of suicide. But since director Rob Coen is behind the camera (The Fast and the Furious, XXX), a few rules come with the territory.

Rule #1: Story or dialogue doesn’t matter. Much like his previous films, Stealth is filled with some pretty cheesy dialogue, a no-brainer plot and poor screenplay structure.

Rule #2: The camera never stands still. While some shots in this flick are easy to deal with during action sequences, most shots are just downright annoying. On top of this, the coverage and editing of earlier scenes are very poorly pieced together, making the actors’ surroundings disorienting for the audience. At one point I could’ve sworn two characters were just walking in circles in the same room, then I discovered that the movie just had a shitty cinematographer.

Rule #3: Interesting cast choices. I will admit, one good thing about Cohen is he fights to get who he sees fit for his roles and most of the time the choices are pretty unique. Much like Joshua Jackson in The Skulls and the Diesel-Walker team in FATF, when I heard the cast for Stealth it made me go “hmm, that could be interesting…” and it was indeed. Ever since Sweet Home Alabama I’ve been rooting for someone to give Josh Lucas a lead role and by God he’s earned his stripes. Jessica Biel does what she needs to do as usual- look good and give just enough emotion not to be labeled a bad actress. Now while I liked the addition of Jamie Foxx, I felt that he was terribly underused in this picture. Wasn’t this dude a comedian? I’ve seen some of his stand-up and its hilarious, but his lines in the script just weren’t funny. I guess I expected more spunk from his character, ala Will Smith’s feistiness in Independence Day. And since this was shot during his pre-Oscar days, its obvious why Josh Lucas has the lead instead of him.

Rule #4: Horrible supporting characters. While XXX’s supporting cast made me want to quit filmmaking forever, Stealth is no exception with Dr Evil-cheesy villains galore. And is there any motivation behind their wrong-doings? Of course not! It’s from the guy that directed Dragonheart silly! And on to the final rule.

Rule #5: Lots and lots of shit blows up. All that truly matters about this flick is the action kicks ass. While some of the sequences are just routine (how many different ways can I watch a building collapse?), others were pretty intense and had my eyes glued to the screen. Such sequences include Biel making an airborne abort while dodging plane debris from an explosion and Lucas facing off with Eddie in the middle of a sky-high gas fire. At least all the action has a purpose and its not just there to waste money given by the studio (that’s what the screenplay is for).

The best advice I can give you about this flick is to give it a fighting chance. The first fifteen minutes are absolutely horrible, featuring all the worst scenes in the movie. It took every ounce in me not to walk out but I hung in there and everything gets a lot better in Act II. I was glad to stick around when the end credits rolled and if you’re a big action fan you will too. Despite a few bumps in the road, Stealth proves to be a somewhat solid action flick in the midst of a mostly actionless Summer. Just make sure you know you’re getting extra cheese on your nachos with this one.

Clint Fletcher is a comedy writer who wants people to love him.

Got a problem? E-mail us at filmmonthly@gmail.com