Posted: 03/29/2004

Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

(2004)

by Clint Fletcher

Am I at my wit’s end because I’m having a bad day, or am I at my wit’s end because of this horrendous excuse for a motion picture? Or is this horrendous excuse for a motion picture the cause of my bad day? Or is the fact that I actually paid half price to see this horrendous excuse for a motion picture the cause of my bad day? Do you want me to stop now? Am I giving you a headache? Doo 2 didn’t stop, so why should I? Consider this paragraph a verbal representation of the confusion and hell I put myself through by watching this film. But now is the time to make sense out of all this jargon and warn everyone in America about something very important…

Scooby-Doo 2 is 100% Anti-Semitic.

Just kidding. But in all honesty I’m sure that all religious organizations across the world will be rioting anyway (as well as everyone else) because Doo 2 is that damn bad. The Mystery Gang is back in business (why oh, why) to take down some more cheesy CGI bad guys…grr… monsters. No, I’m not talking about the executives that green-lit the picture, but thank you for asking. Returning from the original are screen legends Freddie Prinze Jr, Mathew Lillard, Linda Cardellini and Sarah Michelle Gellar. Newbies worth mentioning are Alicia Silverstone and Seth Green to spice things up.

Now that we’ve covered the ridiculous cast, let us move on to the ridiculous plot. When the city opens a museum featuring hundreds of souvenirs from cases solved by the Mystery Gang, their opening night goes awry, as one of the monster costumes comes alive! What is the Mystery Gang to do? Solve the crime of course. I guess the question of the hour would be: is Doo 2 as wretched as Doo 1? You bet, and then some! But the REAL question of the hour is: did I go into this movie sober? Why yes, I did. And in some strange, alternate universe I should be awarded a gold medal for that (my crack dealer wouldn’t answer my pages).

Sticking by my guns that every film has at least ONE redeeming quality, the award this time around goes to Seth Green, who actually stopped me from slitting my left wrist (sadly, the right had already been done). Thank you, Mr. Green, for adding just a tiny bit of comedy to this un-comedy and bringing your character of the museum curator to life. Well, folks, I have a headache (now you know why) and I don’t want to waste another minute focusing on this monstrosity of a film.

But…you didn’t think I was going to leave you without a cheesy Doo-reference did you?

Much like Freddie Jr’s career, Doo 2 is dogshit 2 me.

Clint Fletcher is a comedy writer who wants people to love him.

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