Posted: 06/05/2005

Pretty Cool

(2005)

by Ben Beard

Conquering the world, one breast at a time—from MTI Home Video.

In the rich tradition of Zapped Again!, Getting Lucky, other, lesser Revenge of the Nerds rip-offs, Pretty Cool follows a down on his luck schmuck trying to graduate high school, fend off the local bully, and get the girl. Like any teen comedy worth its salt, Pretty Cool enters that wacky high school world where everyone longs for wacky high school sex, a Bildungsroman of sorts following the devirginization of its unlikely hero.

Beginning with a dream of being surrounded by a bevy of poolside beauties, Howard Duckell wakes to find his cruel sister tormenting him, once again, for being an idiot. Howard is gawky, unpopular, and has only his best friend, Chuck, for company. Late for his graduation ceremony, Howard is crushed when he learns his new next door neighbor is beautiful, and he has to spend the summer in school if he wants to graduate.
Things get really interesting, though, when Howard, through a fluke (involving Eastern European scientists who sounds suspiciously like hard on their luck B-movie American actors), gains the power to command anyone to do anything.

Of course, with this new infinite power he proceeds to make beautiful girls flatulent, while forcing his sister to do impressions of his grandmother. The power, though, turns out to harm his burgeoning relationship with his neighbor, and soon he is cursing himself for having it (despite plenty of free breasts it brings him). Then there are the scientists, who have dispatched a blonde beauty (also suspiciously free of accent) to get the powers back. She brings with her a device that allows the wearer to inhabit the mind of another.
Silly, indeed.

The cast is all here: the self-loathing bully, the doofus trying to get laid, the virginal beauty with a heart of gold, the scheming best friend, the cruel, bikini-clad party girls. The cast seems to be having a good time, at the expense of the viewers. It’s mostly scantily clad nonsense, the midnight movies previously limited to late night television on U.S.A. and Comedy Central.

Of course, criticizing a movie like this is like killing Spanish flies with hand grenades. It is a stupid movie, but that’s sort of the point. But amidst the asinine inanities, there are a couple of laughs, the highlight coming when a schoolteacher, inhabited by nerd, tries to emulate Tom Cruise from The Color of Money.

Trying to recreate those great high school hijink movies of the 80s, Pretty Cool tries too hard to be funny, relying on the lead to make jokes out of nothing. Surprisingly, however, the earnest cast isn’t that bad. In fact, the actress playing Howard’s sister has some real talent, if she can ever get a chance, as do the actors playing Howard and Chuck. In the end it’s a comedy from the grist mill, flash a few body parts and the work is done.

Mostly harmless.

Ben Beard is a film and music critic living in Chicago.

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