Posted: 05/26/2007

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

(2007)

by Hank Yuloff

Before I went to see the third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series, I reread my review from number two. I could almost write the same review.

It starts and ends with the length. If I was going to watch a set of three long movies, I would consider The Godfather or Lord of the Rings or any three of the Star Wars movies before this set. How long do we have to put up with Johnny Depp’s imitation of Keith Richards as a pirate? How many times do we have to watch Captain Jack Sparrow complain that the Black Pearl is his ship but it has been stolen? How many times do we have to see that stupid monkey used to put the correct prop in the right hand?

How many times do we have to see close-ups of Keira Knightley? Okay, on that last one, I don’t really mind. She was the only thing that kept my attention for two hours and 48 minutes (the length of the line to get on the ride at Disneyland during the busiest summer weeks).

In this film, the British East Indian Trading company is attempting to solidify their trading routes by getting rid of all the pirates. The pirates, who do not want to be gotten rid of, call a conference of all the nine pirate captains (kind of like some meetings during The Sopranos) to decide what to do about it. But before that happens, Captain Sparrow has to be pulled back from “Davy Jones’s Locker” (kind of like the undead purgatory for pirates). Now, throw in lots of swashbuckling music and evil men doing what they do best, and there you go.

But enough already.

I have heard that many people feel that the story was not solid. I disagree. It was easy enough to follow, but this film has many other problems. Most noticeably, lots of great fight sequences with lots of plot holes. And there are so many details left unexplained and over-explained that I almost turned on my cell phone to catch up on the baseball scores (Red Sox 5, Indians 3, Youklis hits an inside the park homer). Example: remember that huge creature (the Crack) that ate ships whole in the second movie? They find it dead on a beach in this installment with no explanation. Huh? And the main battle sequence between the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl goes on… And on… And on… But the other ships in the fleet do nothing. Why not? In other words, this is perfect for the 12- to 16-year-old boys who fancy themselves pirate wannabes.

But this won’t be enough. At the end of the 10-minute credits, there is a two-minute add on that shows there could be a fourth Pirates movie. They can call it Pirates of the Caribbean: Daddy’s Little Pirate.

About the best thing I can say about the movie is that we finally do see Keith Richards in a small, but incredibly effective role as… Captain Jack’s father. But since you can’t always get what you want, there were but two scenes in which he shows up.

I know most of you are going to go see this film. Jeez Louise, it’s going to make $160 million its first week. But if you wait, this is not a film you need to see on the big screen. Wait until it’s on your large screen at home, where you can pause it for a bathroom break. You will need it. You will want it. Even though, when you do go to the head, you might not even come back to it.

Hank Yuloff is a film critic and Jimmy Buffet fan living in Los Angeles.

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