Posted: 07/27/2006

Lady in the Water

(2006)

by Tony Liccardello

When your first film is the masterpiece that is The Sixth Sense, the expectations on a director are considerably much heavier the next time out. Unbreakable and Signs, which followed, are both quality films that I enjoyed. Although I didn’t hate The Village, as many of my friends did, the assumption was made that M. Night was slipping. Can a better case be made out of that now? Lady in the Water is easily M. Night Shyamalan’s worst film to date. He has completely fallen off the wagon here, as this just totally sucks. It is surprisingly horrible.

The story follows Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti), a superintendent for a cozy apartment complex called The Cove. He is lonely, has a severe stuttering problem, and looks after all of the tenants needs. The tenants are all quirky characters, ranging from pot-smoking hippies, a man who only works out one side of his body, to a geezer who just sits and watches TV all day long. Heep’s life changes after he meets a half-naked girl (Bryce Dallas Howard) who mysteriously appears in the apartment pool one night. The story falls completely apart the rest of the way.

The girl informs Heep that she is from the blue world, part of a cracked out story in the opening credits that failed at establishing anything coherent. She rants about wanting to meet a writer of some sort, someone to save a bunch of people. Heep for some reason doesn’t feel comfortable with a half-naked women in his place, places her outside a few hours later, where they have a close encounter with a Narf (stupid ass name if you ask me), which is basically a dog made of grass colored twigs. Basically, it is complete nonsense.

Heep asks around about this Narf, and this annoying as shit oriental tenant introduces him to her grandma who throughout the film, tells him random information about some old bedtime story. It happens to be the very one he is currently in. This leads him on a path to following whatever this strange lady says, trying to assemble a team to save her, and fighting off the Narfs. It is unbelievably ridiculous, and this is coming from a guy who liked Serendipity. E.T was successful at quickly sucking you in, caring about the characters, and going on the adventure with Elliot. You cared about what happened next. Lady in the Water struggles at maintaining your interest, develops absolutely no character (The Heep character is slightly developed), and lacks the fundamental ingredients for films like these. The story is a complete mess, and it seems more like draft 2 of 5 draft script. Anyone looking for a surprise twist or suspense filled story, look elsewhere. Anyone looking for anything entertaining, also look elsewhere.

The film has good premise, but M. Night has shit his pants with this one. Everything is forced. You don’t care about any of these characters, or the ridiculous plot lines they follow. The ending is absolutely ridiculous and anti-climactic. Sure there is a jump or two and a few laughs to be had, but coming from someone that has made quality stuff, this is extremely disappointing.

And to think that M. Night left Disney over this is mind-boggling (Shyamalan left Disney after making 5 films together after execs said his script for Lady in the Water sucked). The back-story that was initiated in the opening credits is muddled at best, and extremely lame. The film wastes a good performance by Giamatti. There are some interesting parts here and there, but none of them tie together.

And if you’re wondering, M. Night does also have a part in this film, just like his others. Hey M, you mind if I call you that? Why don’t you spend more time writing up a quality script, then trying to write, direct, and act in your shit?

Grade: 1 star out of 5

Tony Liccardello is a film critic in Chicago.

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