Posted: 12/19/2000

Dungeons & Dragons

(2000)

by Hank Yuloff

A weak attempt at best, and far beneath Jeremy Irons’ abilities.

Named for the once popular game which had future techno-nerds under wraps for days at a time, Dungeons and Dragons left me with the thought that maybe this movie should have been kept under wraps. It is no more than an excuse for director Courtney Solomon to use the new techno gadgets daddy might have bought him for Christmas.

The plot is simple: A peaceful country is undergoing needed change under the watchful eye of a good and honest ruler (Thora Birch as Empress Savina). Bad guy wants to take over (Jeremy Irons as Profion). Our heroes happen to fall into the plot and save the day after going around seemingly insurmountable odds. Oh, and by the way, the good guy gets the girl in the final reel. Yawn.

‘The Good Guys’ - Justin Whalin as Ridley and Marlon Wayans as Snails (this movie DID creep along) over act and over play their parts as two thiefs who turn to good.

‘The Love Interest’ - Zoe McLellan as Marina - has three expressions she uses constantly: “Deer In Headlights,” “Wow, I’m Surprised,” and “Help Me Obiwan, You’re My Only Hope!” Great eyes, though.

‘The Bad Guys’ - Jeremy Irons (what WAS he doing in this movie) and Bruce Payne (as Damodar) also overact and over play their parts as two bad guys who should get it in the end. Care to guess if they do or not?

‘The Folks Along the Way’ - A series of forgetable, 1-dimensional characters (except for the Dwarf who brings a bit of comedy relief) who are just along for the ride.

You get all the trite ones in this movie:
Bad guy “Give me the magic rod and I’ll let her go.”
Good guy gives him the magic rod.
Bad guy: “Kill her.”
Good guy: “You said you’d let her go.”
Bad guy with an E-Vil grin: “I Lied.”

It doesn’t get any worse.

And don’t forget the ever popular bring-the-good-guy-character-back-to-life plot twist we’ve seen in dozens of movies (including, gulp, Star Trek - Live long and prosper, Spock!)

On the good side, the effects showing magic being used were quite good,but not enough of it was used. I guess it would have made it too easy for The Good Guys to prevail…but you’ll have to watch the end to find this out.

If you never played the game, it doesn’t matter. You’ll dislike this movie as much as anyone who ever did. We saw Dungeons and Dragons on a Friday night in the theater with five other people, two of whom snuck in the back door.

This brings back my favorite saying about this web site: We see them so you don’t have to.

Hank Yuloff is an entertainment industry entrepreneur living in Hollywood.

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