Posted: 06/06/2006


Dark Arc


by Hank Yuloff

There might be a worse movie released this year, but I doubt it. Official site here.

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Many people tell me they are jealous because I get to see lots of movies> for free and all I have to do is write a page or so about them for I point out to them that it’s not all wine and roses. Some of the movies I see are downright…what’s the phrase… Steaming piles of maggot infested dog droppings. Case in point: Dark Arc.

Last night I subjected myself (and worse, my wife) to see what generously can be called a “quirky” independent film at the American Cinematheque’s Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. Since you can tell where this review is going, let me at least say something positive: American Cinematheque is a great nonprofit that is dedicated to promoting everything about film—from the 100 year old silents through the current flicks by up and comers (and in some cases—down and outers). But let’s go back to Dark Arc.

Regular readers of this reviewer are familiar with my theory of The Unholy Triumvirate of Film—whereby if one person Writes, Directs and Acts (as lead) in their film it is most likely going to be unwatchable because there is no one to look over this person’s shoulder and at the least giggle, and at the most, tell them their “cinema vision” is a bunch of crap.

The latest member of my UTofF club is Dan Zukovic. This is his second Writer/Director/Actor effort. His first was The Next Big Thing.

Don’t try to find it, it has not been released on DVD. Not even for foreign release. So what does THAT tell you? When he is not doing his “Create my own vision” thing, Zukovic is taking minor roles in films to try and cobble together what can gratuitously be called a career in film (he played Disgruntled Agent in Agent Cody Banks and The Man with the Toupee in Feeling Called Glory). But back to Dark Arc.

It’s official plot outline reads: “A mysterious comedy about love, lust, art and the power of the “charged image”, Dark Arc follows the eccentric love triangle between an artist, a graphic designer and their inspiring muse.” Wow. Now that is a movie I would like to see.

Zukovic secondarily explains it with one quote from his character, Viscount Laris, “Everyday there are a handful of images that stay with us. We see them by accident or design, create them consciously, or unconsciously, some stay with us for a day or two… most are forgot in minutes, seconds… and of those images, maybe there’s one that sticks out beyond all the others… the most powerful image of your life.”

OK, my Good Sense of Entertainment starts to tell me that these are the words of someone who feels himself an Artist of Film. And I am scared.

The acting in this film can best be characterized as… Worse than amateur. I have seen student films where the acting was better. The main figures, Ed Smith, Juxta, and the Viscount seem bored with themselves and everything around them. They should have seen the audience. There was a Q&A with the director etc. after the film and most of us were too bored with the movie to stay. In case you have gotten this far in the review, let me be clear: I have not hated a movie this much since The American Astronaut and Dead Women in Lingerie. PEOPLE WHO MAKE MOVIES LIKE THIS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO MAKE MOVIES.

Hank Yuloff lives in Los Angeles. What else can one possibly say?

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