Posted: 02/08/2011

Cyclone Review

by Robert Baum

Review: Cyclone (1987)

Heather Thomas, Lee Majors’ comely co-star of “The Fall Guy,” stars in the stealth cinematic offering (I don’t remember seeing it advertised anywhere, for the record)—and in all likelihood wasn’t—where she is the custodian of a motorcycle Evel Keneivel would have given his soul to own. Fred Olen Ray’s recent direct-to-video actioner has a clearinghouse of Hollywood has-beens including Martin Landau, Troy Donahue, an uncredited Russ Tamblyn, and (gasp) President Reagan’s son, Michael.
Before I forget, the title is Cyclone, a laughable and ridiculous excuse for a movie. Thomas is the girlfriend of an inventor (Jeffrey Combs of the Stuart Gordon-directed releases Re-Animator and From Beyond). In movies, only someone as nerdy-looking as Combs could get a girlfriend who looks like Thomas—but then again there is Dan Aykroyd and Donna Dixon—but then again, no one would have interest in devising a scenario where a pair of completely undynamic people are in a relationship.
All Thomas seems to do is spend much of the film either tooling around on her motorcycle or hanging out at the gym with her well-oned pal (Ashley Ferrare of Revenge of the Ninja). Thomas takes Combs out to a nightclub to celebrate his birthday where he is murdered while dancing with her to the unmelodic and ridiculous songs played by a motely crew of a band called Haunted Garage.
Heather finds that her late lover has been laboring on an invention which is sought by those responsible for his murder. The invention is a fancy motorcycle called “cyclone” and it features an array which Combs explains to her via a videorecording. The device looks like an advanced model of the lethal wheels used by Lucianna Paluzzi in Thunderball (1965), which probably explains why Martine Beswicke, one of Sean Connery’s co-stars in his fourth 007 outing, is among the cast.
One can only hope that Martin Landau was compensated for his time as he has been appearing in embarassments for a paycheck for quite a few years now. Perhaps for him to find other work might require the Impossible Missions Force to reassemble.. Clearly his role is an homage of sorts to cinematic villains of yesteryear. Possibly James Mason on North by Northwest (1959) perhaps? That might be stretching things but Landau did play one of Mason’s goons in that noted Hitchcock work.
Cyclone is little more than a vehicle for Thomas. It succeeds as ample testimony to her being a bad actress. She doesn’t have to work so hard to be so lousy. On the positive side, she is a sight to behold and wears her figure-hugging attire well. In all likelihood, the cast probably furnished their own clothing. Sadly the film features some of the final work by veteran stuntman Dar Robinson who met his demise on the recent release Million Dollar Mystery. Even more sad, though it pains me to speak ill of the dead, his work here as an actor is nothing impressive.

Robert Baum is Currently a Bryn Mawr, PA-based film afficanado and pop culture junkie.

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