Posted: 09/03/2006

Crank

(2006)

by Clint Fletcher

Perhaps my expectations were a bit too high going into Crank. After all, it has a killer premise (a man must keep his adrenaline up to stay alive), a charismatic action star (Jason Statham), a graphic R rating and what appears to be tons and tons of ass-beating. Some background info on myself- I dig action movies more than any other genre.

Unfortunately, Crank wants to spend more time looking flashy then delivering as a decent action flick.

The premise is short and simple - Jason Statham, a freelance assassin, has been poisoned with a Chinese substance. There is no antidote for this poison, though it can be slowed down by producing a large flow of adrenaline. Pissed off at all hell and knowing he’s near death, Chev Chelios decides to spend his last few hours trying to stay alive long enough to kill every last mother fucker responsible for poisoning him. This has to be one of the best set-ups for an action movie in the past ten years. But sadly, while the film rarely stops moving, there is a surprising lack of action in this flick. The first half is spent following Chelios as he finds different ways to keep his adrenaline up through drugs, sex, running, driving fast and drinking lots of Red Bull. This is all entertaining… for the first twenty minutes. Then you want to see Statham beat some serious ass, and we do get brief moments of action here and there, but it never quite reaches the meat and potatoes of satisfaction the audience was quite hoping for. And going into the last half, the film decides to turn trippy, with Chelios hallucinating all over the place. If I wanted to go on an acid trip I would’ve scored some LSD off my mom. I came to see an ass-beating, dammit.

But to my disappointment that ass-beating never came. There are nisbits of entertainment here and there, but the filmmakers seemed more intent on making the movie look cool by shaking the camera for every frame and constantly switching to different angles at a rapid pace. I’d like to see what’s actually going on, guys. There’s no need to go all Tony Scott on us.

While Crank has its moments of entertainment and one of the greatest sex scenes ever in the history of film (go Amy Smart!), the film ultimately lacks the rush of action that die-hard fans were hoping for. It’s a shame, too. This was one of the greatest wasted movie ideas ever for the action genre. Perhaps there will be an unrated DVD with more goodies in store?

Clint Fletcher is a screenwriter and film critic at large in the Midwest.

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