Posted: 12/30/1999

Bicentennial Man

(1999)

by Hank Yuloff

Robin Williams says eight films in five years is enough even for him. Maybe he should have quit sooner!

The trailer looked so good: Robin Williams is a robot. The shot is of him on an operating table, body open, saying: “I’m trying to make something of myself here.” This is going to be funny. Robin probably hits a home run here. I LOVE Robin Williams. Let’s go see a funny movie.

Shit. Taken in by a trailer again.

Bicentennial Man isn’t a bad movie. It’s just not a good movie to see at the theatre. Spend your $7 on Girl, Interrupted or The Green Mile. Rent this one.

Bicentennial Man (BM—how apt) is the adaptation of an Issac Asimov short story (another reason I figured this would be great) about a Model NDR-114 robot, later named Andrew, who comes to live with his new family. But unlike other 114?s, there are some things which make Andrew different: He is creative. He is social. He has curiosity. He has FEELINGS.

He is also able to learn. And learn he does. Under the tutelage of his master (Sam Neill), he begins a journey of self-discovery about himself and the human race, which he wants to be declared a part of. Jeez… so why does it take him 65 years to use the phrase “Piece of shit” instead of “Piece of fecal matter.” This one joke about Andrew giving us a laugh as he learns something new about the human condition gets to be a bit much.

A few rants about this movie (and sci-fi in general):

• Why do robots in movies always have to show us what they’re thinking or doing from inside the heads-up screen in their eyes? Like the Terminator movies… if you want us to read what’s going on… slow down the information.
• What’s with the blatant Star Trek: Next Generation rip off: he has a positronic brain. He is a robot on a search to become human. We see endless examples of him getting there but if he was half as smart as he’s supposed to be, these would come quickly, not take the 200 years this movie does. I felt like I was seeing Commander Data’s first genetically different relative. The funniest parallel is when Andrew tries to get the hang of humor. This is mostly funny because I was viewing Robin Williams as learning to be funny, not the robot.
• And why do movies set in the future feel the need to add “modern” or new buildings into the backdrop of a cityscape? San Francisco in the next century is going to be in for a real building boom. I guess they found a way to prevent earthquakes.
• Andrew becomes an excellent woodworker and they sell his work. From this he becomes rich. Huh? How exactly do you get rich from arts and crafts? Now, later on he makes some scientific advances, which make a lot of money, but how did this guy make his first million?
• How does this robot get an audience with the World Congress (must be a combo of the United Nations and WTO)?

The highlights of this movie are rare, but do exist: Andrew learns about the birds and the bees: “It seems messy and the sperm die.”

That cute girl from the Pepsi commercials Hallie Kate Eisenberg is adorable. Oliver Platt is wonderful as Andrew’s business partner. I will give director Chris Columbus (Mrs. Doubtfire, Stepmom) credit: he went 75 whole minutes without using a Wizard of Oz / Tin Man reference. But I was wishing that I could have clicked my ruby slippers together and gotten Andrew home a lot faster than Columbus did.

Hank Yuloff lives in Los Angeles, where he can be close to the heart of all that Hollywood madness.

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