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April 1, 2006 ‘Snakes on a Plane’ will Destroy ‘Titanic’For those of you that still haven’t heard of the movie above, allow me to introduce you. This August, a horror/comedy called Snakes on a Plane starring bad motherfucker Samuel L. Jackson will be slithering its way into theaters. Yes, it will be Rated R and intent on being a very hard, graphic R. And what am I talking about as far as the Titanic reference? I’m referring to the fact that Titanic still holds the record as the most successful film of all time according to domestic and worldwide box office receipts. As of now, Titanic ranks number 1 by scoring over $600 million in the U.S. No film has ever even come close to that—not even Star Wars—until now. I predict that Snakes on a Plane will beat out Titanic as the most successful film of all time. Why do I think this? Check it. Ever since the title and plot of the film was released back in the Fall, people have gone mad crazy for this movie. There are dozens of fan sites out there loaded with un-copyrighted t-shirts, cartoon reels, comic strips, emblems, logos, fake trailers, fake audio recordings, fake posters, fake promotional stills and fake songs that all mock the movie. Hell, if you surf the net today you can find more gossip and dedicated fans to Snakes on a Plane than all the Star Wars movies combined. And the film isn’t even out yet! We still have six months! Many are asking me, what’s the big deal about this Snakes on a Plane movie I keep hearing about? Everybody is going nuts over it. I’ll tell you what the big deal is. Snakes on a Plane is the greatest bad movie idea of all time! And not only that, instead of going the typical Hollywood route, New Line Cinema has made the ballsy decision to embrace the concept of this B-movie persona within their marketing campaign for the flick. They realize its going to be cheesy. They realize the movie already has a cult following because it sounds like a total joke. This is going to be the camp phenomenon of the century, folks. It will redefine what virgins re-enact on Friday nights (Rocky Horror Picture Show now). The classic lines will become more popular than Forrest Gump or Napoleon Dynamite. As a matter of fact, the first teaser trailer was just released for the film and it only features one line. At the beginning, Jackson cocks his gun and says, “I’ve had just about enough of these snakes.” Mozart to my ears. That line is now everywhere on the net. I’ve said it at least sixteen times today at random. For those of you who are still lost, Snakes on a Plane is the story of snakes on a motherfucking plane, you stupid shit. Or, more specifically—an F.B.I. agent (Jackson) must escort a witness in a mob hearing on a flight to wherever the hell they’re going (who cares?). Aboard the flight, a sinister villain who wants the witness dead has come up with a brilliant plan to unleash deadly, poisonous snakes on a plane while its in mid-air. And we’re not talking a gigantic, double-stacked 747 like in last year’s Flight Plan. We’re talking about a dinky, piece of shit Southwest flight that only has one aisle. Classic. I can smell the Oscar already. And on top of this brilliant concept, Jackson himself has been quoted as signing on to the movie before even reading the script. He claims that once he saw the front cover read “Snakes on a Plane,” he just knew he had to do this movie. And what’s even better, at one point Hollywood attempted to morph it into an actual classy flick by first changing the name to Flight 121. But Big Black Poppa Badass ain’t having none of that. Once discovering this, Jackson marched into the producer’s office and said, “I signed on to motherfucking Snakes on a Plane. What is this shit about you changing the title? People want to see a movie called Snakes on a Plane. Now if you don’t change that motherfucking title back I walk.” Naturally, they changed it back. Thank God! If the title had been changed who knows if it would’ve had the same following? Mark my words, Snakes on a Plane will be the event of the century. It will beat out that stupid Titanic and become the most successful film of all time. Ten months before its release its already turned into a massive cult phenomenon and with good reason. My prediction—$700 million domestic, minimum. Now go buy your Snakes on a Plane t-shirt before you miss out on all the action and burn in hell for not supporting this movie. Clint Fletcher is a screenwriter and filmmaker in search of Hollywood. Read Tony Liccardello’s Rant on M. Night Shyamalan Hate. Got a problem? E-mail us at filmmonthly@gmail.com |