March 1, 2007

Screw You, Mark Steven Johnson

Can somebody please tell me why Hollywood is so blindingly retarded that they keep handing over big budget comic book movies to that fucking sell-out Mark Steven Johnson? I want to have a little chat with the development exec that just a few years ago said “you know what? We should get the writer of Jack Frost to do Daredevil. He would be perfect!” FUCK YOU, DEVELOPMENT EXEC! YOU RUIN LIVES!

For those of you that aren’t familiar with his work, Mark Steven Johnson is the guy that ruined such classic comic characters as Daredevil, Elektra and, most recently, Ghost Rider on the big screen. The pictures that are handed to him have an approved average budget of $80 million+, with Ghost Rider alone costing over $120 million to make. This makes me want to vomit until the end of time. This man has not shown one tiny fucking shred of talent since Daredevil was handed to him seven years ago. He has no idea what any of these characters are all about and matter of fact, I doubt he’s ever cracked open a comic book in his entire life. This man is the King of all posers. Daredevil was wretched down to its very rotten core, Elektra (which he produced) is an abomination to the film and comic world alike, and Ghost Rider is as comical and campy as Rocky Horror Picture Show. This guy doesn’t grow as a filmmaker with each project, he shrinks. I will give $100 in cold, hard-earned cash if someone could explain to me what the fuck happened in the last 20 minutes of Ghost Rider (or Elektra for that matter). I don’t even think Johnson himself knows. This is why Johnson should suck on my big, fat Johnson.

Now for those of you that actually enjoyed Daredevil or Elektra—piss off. You have terrible taste in movies (even by my standards) and you should kill yourself immediately. But for those of you that appreciate such classics as Spider-Man 2 and Batman Begins (you know, good comic movies?), then read on. As much as I’d like to blame Hollywood for this douche bag’s career upbringing, I once again must point my anger and frustration toward the American public. The reason why this guy still has a career is because Daredevil made a shit-ton of money, despite being the biggest fucking train wreck since Dolph Lundgren’s The Punisher. Yes, I saw Daredevil opening night before all the bad press arose. But some of you fuckers out there saw that flick two or three times, and some of you are seeing Ghost Rider repeatedly as we speak. For every dollar you give to this guy’s movies, the more lives you’re ruining of true comic fan boys across the country. Because of you not hanging yourself in the Hot Topic dressing rooms like we all want you to, Hollywood will feel safe and secure with handing over more comic book characters to this fucking malignant tumor to the film world. God knows what they’re going to give this illogical lowlife to butcher next, Captain America maybe? Or the Wolverine feature? And the trend doesn’t stop there, folks. The brilliant Joss Whedon (Firefly, Serenity) just got thrown off of Wonder Woman for turning in a good script that was coherent, and David Goyer (Batman Begins, Blade) just got fired from The Flash to be replaced by… Shawn Levy?! The Cheaper by the Dozen guy?! The world has gone to hell!

I beg of all of you, help me stop this madness and put a halt to this man’s career once and for all. Everyone needs to boycott Ghost Rider on DVD and pray to the comic Gods every night that Mark Steven Johnson will get cancer and die a slow, painful death. Either that or send him, Tim Story, Jonathan Hensleigh, Shawn Levy and every other talent less director to the Comic-Con where they will be mutilated by flesh-easting fan boys. Screw you, Mark Steven Johnson!

Don’t forget to check out Clint Fletcher’s other hidey hole here on the web: http://filmmonthlyblog.blogspot.com/

Clint Fletcher is a screenwriter and filmmaker in search of Hollywood.

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