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Directed by Directed by Patricia Harrington
Written by Written by Jack Monrow, Matt Holly
Starring Starring Kathleen LaGue, Doug Swander, Simon Page, Kate Gersten
Produced by Produced by Joseph P. Genier
Well, folks, if you’ve been hungering for a monster movie—and these days, monster movies are pretty much the exclusive province of the steadily more horrible SyFy Channel (I still personally resent typing that title. It literally hurts to type it.)—then you might be happy to see Razorteeth, a monster movie quite a bit unlike many you’ve seen lately in that, one, the monster looks somewhat lifelike and two, the effects aren’t a complete joke.
Seriously, one guy got bit in half about five minutes in and it looked like someone used blended cow parts for the effects on that one. It was that gooshy.
The plot, of course, is monster movie standard—there’s something roaming around down in the Florida Everglades and it’s a NASTY little package. It’s big, it’s quick, it’s hard to see, especially at night—thing looks like nothing so much as an enormous fusion of an eel and a piranha(as it turns out, eels are involved!)—and it’s chewing up people in the area left, right and center. Now it’s up to an animal control officer, the local sheriff, and a bunch of college kids to take out the beast before it renders the Everglades permanently uninhabitable.
I don’t know whether to laugh or be horrified that the diner in Razortooth is called “Kormann’s”, just like Roger Corman, the guy who did this kind of thing on a regular basis. But what I do know is that there’s a surprising amount of humor involved in Razortooth, and there’s nothing like a few laughs to help an otherwise odious monster movie go down smooth.
Razorteeth is actually a pretty entertaining experience; this could have been a lot worse than it actually was, and I’m reasonably happy with how it turned out. Me and monster movies are not good friends—I don’t get very scared of monsters that are suffering from a terminal lack of feasibility—but while this one wasn’t scary, it was sufficiently entertaining to be worth a rental.
The ending, much like the rest of the movie, is a little shorter on the laughs than what preceded it, and pretty short on believability, but still kinda fun besides. Seriously, it’s quite possibly the single most outlandish ending I’ve ever heard for a monster movie.
The special features include a behind the scenes featurette, a music video for some reason, and English and Spanish subtitles as well as a collection of trailers that can’t be accessed from the DVD menus themselves. For future reference, I REALLY hate that.
All in all, keep your expectations low and your funnybone primed, because this isn’t a great horror flick, but a few decent chuckles will be had.
Steve Anderson is a film critic who collects action figures so he can dress them up as his favorite horror villains. He lives somewhere in the United States.
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