Posted: 07/12/2009

 

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

by Hank Yuloff




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Questions left over from 2007’s Transformers:
How is it these huge hunks of metal can’t just squish any human they want with impunity?
How come we can never really see the Transformers change from one thing to another? Its all shakey cam and close ups.
Could Megan Fox be any hotter?
Instead of destroying the defeated Decepticons, why do they just “store” them at the bottom of the ocean or in other “secure” sites?
Shia La Beouf or Leonardo DiCaprio?

Answers after seeing 2009’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:
Cause then there wouldn’t be a story.
Cause then we’d see behind the magician’s curtain.
Oh, god, no.
Cause then there couldn’t be a sequel.
Gonna go with Shia.

Based on the Hasbro toy, T:RotF is a very cool popcorn movie for the summer. Some humor, tons of explosions, some heroism, and holy jeez some Megan Fox. Oh, and did I mention that the movie (which I saw in IMAX) is LOUD? Yea, I think I felt a filling come loose. I am going to assume that if you see this Transformers you saw the previous or have at some point been a little kid and watched the cartoons, but if not, here are the basics:

There is a race of kids toys and commercial tie ins creatures, the Transformers who can transform themselves to look like most any power driven shape. Their race is split into the good guys - the Autobots led by Optimus Prime, and the bad guys, called the Decepticons, let by Megatron, who ended the last movie and begins this one on the bottom of the ocean, dead, and guarded full time by a US Navy carrier group. There are other Decepticons around the globe, but in a secret agreement between the governments of the world and the Autobots, to not let the common folk know that aliens exist while fighting the Decepticons. Why are they all here? THAT’S a GOOD question. It seems that their race visited our planet 13,000 years ago (how is that possible when the Earth is only 6,000 years old, according to some Flat Earthers? That’s a question for another time) and left a machine which could be the source of immense power. The Decepticons want it. The Autobots area not sure where it is. And the humans are left in the middle, just wanting to be left alone to watch American Idol.

The human hero in the film is Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf) who has had the key to finding that machine inserted into his sub conscience brain. Of COURSE he has. And T:RotF is the story of the Decepticons trying to get that information out of his head and find the power machine. If you’re a teen age (or most any age) guy, though, none of that really matters. What matters is how much of Megan Fox’s body will they show? And how many pairs of white jeans did they have to have, cause until the last 10 minutes of the movie, they never appeared to get dirty.

So at the end of the movie I am still left with most of the same questions with many of the same answers. And if you can get past the point of these Decepticons being able to easily wipe the ground with human blood, it’s a pretty fun little jaunt.
Oh, I had to add one more question, this one I have an answer to: Is Isabel Lucas, the little vixen who almost kills Sam early in the movie (oh, come on, you gotta KNOW she is a Decepticon) old enough for me to perv? With a birth date of 1/29/85, YES. But I had been out of college for two years when she was born.

Hank Yuloff is a writer in Los Angeles.



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