October 14, 2007

Why Haven’t They Canceled Anything?

Legend has it that an upcoming writer’s strike has made networks a bit gun-shy about yanking mediocre underperformers (like The Bionic Woman) and flat-out bad underperformers (like Moonlight). Honestly? I’d wager it has more to do with the total lack of clear hits than the possibility of a strike.

From my perspective, nothing has made an obvious mark as a loser in terms of ratings, though sharper-than-expected viewership declines from pilot to episode two have made some shows look the part. Quality-wise, we have a pretty huge crap-heap all over the network landscape, but we all know a network won’t cancel (or renew) based on quality. Ignoring quality, nothing is doing so egregiously awful that it merits immediate cancellation, especially when the network can’t offer any quick replacements. Well, okay, maybe Friday Night Lights doing “good for the CW” numbers will head it toward cancellation, but you never know. NBC is hurting for critically praised dramas, so it might stick around the Friday night wasteland the way Homicide did.

I could be wrong, but I’m going to offer up Moonlight as the first scripted casualty of the fall season. It’s pretty much a ratings vacuum between the middling Ghost Whisperer and surprisingly strong Numb3rs. Also, since its premiere it’s been the butt of nearly every critical joke regarding the fall TV season, widely reviled as the worst drama in years. While many (but not as many) critics suggest Women’s Murder Club gives Moonlight a run for its money, quality-wise, it trounced Moonlight in the Nielsens.

Aliens in America (The CW) — An improvement over the already-funny pilot. The story took the characters a few steps forward, showed us a little more of the high school hierarchy, and revealed that they’re definitely going more for a Malcolm in the Middle vibe rather than a Freaks & Geeks vibe. They made Raja (Adhir Kalyan) a little more culturally ignorant this week, which I think will benefit the show. Remember how in the last few seasons of Perfect Strangers, they couldn’t really mine the “wacky foreigner” comedy anymore? Balki had become too acclimated to his surroundings, so they moved on to domestic wackiness with Larry, Balki, Jennifer, and Mary-Ann all living in one giant, Victorian house in the suburbs. I know way too much about this show. Anyway, it kinda started to suck. A lot. Aliens in America will head down the same path if Raja assimilates and is accepted too quickly.

Bones (Fox) — I know they want to give Angela (Michaela Conlin) and Hodgins (T.J. Thyne) a meaty/wacky romantic storyline, but this whole “I got married in a drunken fit and can’t remember the husband’s name” thing needs to wrap up ASAP. I liked the trippy hypnosis effects, and I guess I still like them as a couple, but the subplot doesn’t do anything for me. Also, they kinda ditched the giant safe o’ secrets, to my unending disappointment. I found this week’s crime interesting (although, thanks to the “meat,” it was also more disgusting than usual), but I sure did like the vault.

Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) — I hate to sound like an asshole, but I kinda don’t care about who killed Nick’s (Peter Krause) dad, if anyone did. I get that that’s supposed to be the hook, but why do we need this murder mystery? Why can’t it be a dramedy soap about a guy whose dad died under non-mysterious circumstances? I don’t need Nick’s lack of trust in the Darlings restated multiple times in every episode; their very behavior is cause for mistrust. Other than not caring about the subplot, this episode worked pretty well—it’s probably the funniest episode so far, but the writers keep revealing more depth to the characters. They’ve gone from modern wealthy stereotypes to real people.

Everybody Hates Chris (The CW) — Both the A and B stories had great comic setups ingrained in the established characters—a runt uses karate to crush Caruso (Travis T. Flory), who turns docile. At first, Chris (Tyler James Williams) is elated—until he realizes it’s opened the floodgates for dozens of bullies, so now he has to turn Chris back into a bully in order to stop anarchy at Corleone. Love that! Meanwhile, Julius (Terry Crews) is forced to take a vacation, but he sneaks and gets a job for the week. This episode stands out as an instant classic. But just a little note of negativity, because I’m that kinda guy: they need to dial down the “wacky plucked-strings” music. It’s funny without the music!

Heroes (NBC) — Sylar returns, and…I dunno, I’m starting to think last season’s underwhelming finale should have been a bloodbath. Do we need Niki (Ali Larter)? Do we need…whatever the hell Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia) is doing in Ireland? Do we even need Sylar? Don’t get me wrong; I like all three characters, but I couldn’t be less interested in what they’re doing right now. New season, new heroes, new villains. Oh yeah, and the actual new heroes—the Central Americans of indeterminate origin whose names I don’t know? The black shit gushing out of their eyes is pretty disgusting, but otherwise their storyline has turned repetitive. We get it: something about them being apart makes her lose control and kill everyone with…black shit powers. Whatever, man. I hope they get to New York and get interesting.

House (Fox) — Still liking the new people. Still liking the attempts to shoehorn the old team into the proceedings, because the failure to do so in any natural way makes me laugh as much as House’s dickishness. What I’m not liking: what the hell was the deal with the sticking-the-knife-into-the-light-socket subplot? I mean, I get that it was House’s curiosity (or obsession with proving others wrong) getting the better of him, but it was…pretty stupid. Like, a little beyond House’s normal recklessness. It also didn’t fit into the overall episode. A good subplot usually provides a counterpoint to the main action. They tried that by having House yell at the Victim of the Week that there’s nothing after death. So did he want to prove himself wrong, or did he want to prove himself right? More importantly, why should I care, and what impact does it have on House losing the patient in the end? If the writers tried to show us any of that, they lost me.

Journeyman (NBC) — Ginormous, historically memorable earthquakes tend to make the drama a little more compelling, so I liked this week’s struggle between saving one dude from addiction and suicide and trying to save an entire city—or, at the very least, one man’s sister—from the earthquake. The episode had its share of problems, but it did a fairly nice job of showing how this series should work: it didn’t overdo the “where does Dan keep disappearing off to?” present-day stuff, it didn’t underdevelop the storylines in the past, and it maintained human drama over whiz-bang sci-fi crap and leftover 10.5: Apocalypse special effects. A few things that, after a few weeks, I’ve started to lose patience with: why does Dan (Kevin McKidd) have no curiosity about what has caused him to travel through time, or why Livia (Moon Bloodgood) also travels, and how she seems to control her traveling as opposed to his randomness? I’m sure they want to go for an overarching mystery with that storyline, which I like. I’m not saying he needs to figure all of this stuff out ASAP; he needs to wonder and ask questions. He’s supposed to be a reporter, for crying out loud. Why does he store all the nuggets of information about people he needs to help instead of asking Livia what the hell is going on?

King of the Hill (Fox) — Another solid episode I can relate to more than I’d like to admit. I can’t be the only one who has friends or acquaintances who find certain things hysterically funny, while I just sit and ponder the nature of existence. It’s very difficult to explain what makes something funny to one person but not to another, especially when you’re trying to explain it to the person who finds the subject hilarious. Bobby trying to worm his way out of the Powder Puff football cheerleading squad because he thinks the humor is incredibly lame (P.S.: he’s right!) hit me close to home. I also loved Landry’s principal acting the part of slimy bureaucrat, unwilling to make any firm decisions because he’d rather ride the tide of popular opinion.

My Name Is Earl (NBC) — Here’s a nifty way to get around the Earl-in-prison storyline: have the entire episode be a flashback to Earl’s malevolent, pre-List days. They’ve done episodes like this in the past (notably in the Cops episode) so it’s not unprecedented, but it still feels like a cheat. I will beat this horse until they finally do something about it: get Earl out of jail. On an unrelated note, with the recent appearances of According to Jim’s underrated Larry Joe Campbell and The War at Home’s Michael Rapaport (as well as last season’s appearances by such actors as Yes, Dear’s Mike O’Malley and Saturday Night Live’s Norm Macdonald), it appears the show has become a haven for actors who deserve better material than they’re usually given.

Numb3rs (CBS) — I admire the gumption of Numb3rs. I admire the producers’ transparent desire to be the network TV answer to HBO’s incomparable The Wire. Despite the fine cast and solid writing (for a network cop show), it fails with such regularity I kinda wish they’d give up trying. They won’t, so they’ve cast yet another Wire alumnus in a key supporting role. Add Chris Bauer (who played Frank Sobotka in The Wire’s second season) to a list that already includes Wendell Pierce (in a recurring role), Lance Reddick, Deirdre Lovejoy, Wood Harris, and probably others I’m forgetting. Bauer plays a mechanic-turned-physicist who helps Charlie (David Krumholtz) with computer simulations of the crime of the week, a street-racing accident that results…in murder!

I’ll stop making fun of the show. I like it quite a bit, but like every cop show that isn’t The Wire or The Rockford Files (Becker’s a cop and Rockford is jailed in nearly every episode, so it counts!), I have to take it with a grain of salt. Alongside moments of solid characterization and fun but probably implausible (again with the grain of salt stuff) crime-solving math, it still features moments of thunderous stupidity and specious reasoning. When they discover 260-pound weight discrepancy that leads them to the “obvious” “conclusion” that a fairly large man was in the car. It’s a reasonable assumption, but wouldn’t two scientists pooling resources maybe consider alternative possibilities? It could have been two women or a man and a kid or a woman and a small man or—what it turns out to be—a second car hitting the first. Each of the possibilities could have led to drastically different assumptions about the nature of the crime, the motives, and the suspects.

Alas, it’s a decent show, but The Wire it ain’t. At the very least, while I didn’t enjoy the “he-was-a-spy/oh-wait-no-he-wasn’t” cliffhanger resolution, I’m glad they’re giving Colby (Dylan Bruno) and David (Alimi Ballard) something interesting to do. Not a lot, but they create palpable post-“you’re-full-of-shit” tension that I look forward to watching boil over as the season progresses.

The Office (NBC) — This episode really gave last season’s “The Negotiation” a run for its money in terms of comic insanity and presenting the sheer tragedy of Michael Scott (Steve Carell), a manager who has been in over his head since day one and can’t climb out of that hole. It doesn’t quite capture the magic of trying to assert masculine authority only to be outed as wearing a woman’s suit, but the kidnapping of a pizza delivery boy as a result of Michael’s own existential angst came very, very close. This was The Office at its best: awkward but not mean-spirited humor (even the IM prank on Dwight dovetailed into something sweet), moments of real drama and suspense, humbling stupidity, and finally, a moment of redemption. The wonderful thing about Michael Scott redemption is that it’s often the very, very small moments where he reveals his humanity and dusts off the embarrassment of his own existence. Taking Dwight for “authentic New York-style sushi” so Michael could feel like the VIP he so desperately wants to be—sad, pathetic, but somehow triumphant.

Pushing Daisies (ABC) — So here’s the thing: I can’t stand Kristin Chenoweth. At all. I don’t like her as an “actress,” I don’t like the supposed “cute little pixie” roles she often plays, I don’t like her singing voice—I like nothing about her. With that said: is she going to be singing every week? Because honestly, I love watching a show as good-looking as this in HD, but I’d rather tape it on my crappy old monaural VCR so I can fast-forward through her musical numbers. Otherwise, this episode did a better job of extending the “mythology” of the series, elaborating on the romance between Ned (Lee Pace) and Chuck (Anna Friel). Chi McBride continues to surprise and impress me as a comic actor; I’ve only seen him play humorless (on Boston Public) and humorless and malicious (on House).

While the story got a little bit, er…excessive in the “whimsy” department (seriously, butterfly catching as a hobby? That makes a car that runs on dandelions seem realistic), this episode solidified the show’s ability to balance the black comedy and relationship drama with the odd procedural element.

Reaper (The CW) — The show bounced back from a “meh” second episode. Not quite as good as the pilot, but a vast improvement over episode two. I like that they’re giving Ben (Rick Gonzalez) more to do than get hurt. With Sock (Tyler Labine) as the larger-than-life goofball friend and Andi (Missy Peregrym) as the romantic interest, Ben didn’t come into his own until tonight. Also, the mystery had a little more challenge to it, both for the gang and for the audience. Everything hummed nicely in this episode, so I hope the writers keep it up. The only downside? Not enough Ray Wise and not enough parents (who didn’t even make an appearance).

Stargate: Atlantis (Sci-Fi) — The writers finally shoehorn an awkward introduction of Samantha Carter (Amanda Tapping) into episode three. Is it too little, too late? I don’t know—I want to like her. She’s a little more hands-on than Weir, a little more sarcastic, and the semi-legendary (even on Atlantis) crush McKay (David Hewlett) has on her has reared its goofy head. It could lead somewhere interesting down the road, but I hope it’s way down the road. I also hope they aren’t trying to build some kind of demented triangle between Sheppard (Joe Flanigan), McKay, and Carter. That’s just stupid.

I liked this episode, overall. Anything that gives stoic Ronon (Jason Momoa) something more to do than beat people up is okay in my book. The downside? Maybe some time has passed, though nobody made mention of it, but remember how last week they left Weir to possibly die at the hands of the replicators? Everyone was a little too chipper this week, all things considered. Carson Beckett, a genial but fairly useless sideliner, got a better, more emotionally solid send-off. I can’t say Weir was anywhere close to my favorite character, but come on!

Supernatural (The CW) — Pretty solid. I liked the idea of Dean (Jensen Ackles) possibly discovering a lost son, having to deal with the consequences of his roguish lifestyle. The monster-of-the-week was both interesting and disgusting, so bonus points on that. They didn’t quite sell me on the new girl (Katie Cassidy) revealing herself as a demon. While I like shades of gray to the demon world (one thing that made Angel a little more interesting than Buffy), I guess it would have surprised me more if they had waited a few more episodes for the reveal. We don’t know her at all, she drops into town with some mysterious information, so it would actually have surprised me less if she weren’t a demon. We’ll see what the writers have in store.

After all that, if I had to pick three shows, couldn’t watch anything else on TV, the three I’d choose don’t even start until next year: Lost, The Wire, and Medium. Huh.

D. B. Bates is a film critic and television viewer who has often shouted at fictional characters who probably wouldn’t listen to him even if they could hear him and existed in reality. Interested in explaining to D. B. the many ways he got it wrong? E-mail him.

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