December 8, 2008

NBC to Viewing Public: ‘We’re Clueless’

Man, NBC has officially made The CW look like a well-structured network founded on excellent decisions. Today they announced that Jay Leno will remain with the network…in primetime. While I’ve never been a fan of Leno, I don’t begrudge viewers who love him. Still, I can’t help wondering why the hell NBC would consider this a good decision. I know their scripted programming is a disaster area (they’ll cancel every new show this season, and thanks to this switch, middle-of-the-pack performers like Medium and the beleaguered, unwatchable Heroes may find themselves on the chopping block in May), but can you remember the last successful talk show to air five nights a week in a primetime slot? Me neither.

The problem here is that, for his entire run, Jay Leno has had one competitor—David Letterman. Leno may beat Letterman in the ratings, but do they really think he can beat CSI: Miami, Without a Trace or any of CBS’s 10,000 other awful procedurals? If you think the answer is “yes,” you’re either insane or employed by NBC-Universal. Man, revenge will be sweet when CBS finally has the opportunity to trounce Leno. Even ABC will probably get in on the action—I’ll laugh if they slide Lost into the 10PM slot or do a bunch of two-hour Dancing with the Stars episodes from 9-11PM. I mean, why wouldn’t they? Fox and The CW don’t program the 10PM slot, so as far as ABC’s concerned, they only have to worry about CBS.

That’s not it, though—what does this mean for Conan O’Brien, who’s been groomed to take over the coveted Tonight Show slot? He’s moving from New York to Los Angeles to accommodate higher-profile guests—the same guests Leno has made comfortable for more than a decade. If Leno keeps snatching those guests, and obviously NBC’s not going to want them repeating the same people on both shows, what does that leave Conan with? A watered-down version of his old show sandwiched, once again, between two unfunny hosts. Instead of Carson Daly, Conan’s Tonight Show will be followed by a sure-to-be-disastrous new Late Night hosted by ex-SNL cast member and one-man comedy vacuum Jimmy Fallon.

The only good things about this decision are how it affects NBC: they don’t give up Leno to ABC or Fox, and they don’t have to program any more failed dramas in the 10PM hour. It’s telling that the only drama worth watching on their network is Medium, which they’ve tried hard to bury and will likely axe to make room for The Jay Leno Show. Does anyone at NBC realize this decision has already made them a laughing stock? Or that it’s sure to get worse as the 2009 fall season gets closer?

The whole situation speaks to a larger problem with NBC. When I read that the network greenlit Rosie O’Donnell’s unwatched-by-millions-who-immediately-regretted-missing-out-on-something-so-bad live variety show because of their faith that live TV will defeat the curse of the TiVo, their cluelessness washed over me like a cold sitz bath. You know what will defeat the curse of the TiVo? Programming shows people want to watch. I have a TiVo, but I still watch most things live. Partly for this column, mainly because the shows I watch, I actually like. I want to watch them live. The hilarious belief that the TiVo is the first and only method for—gasp!—skipping precious commercials will never stop puzzling me. Commercial breaks exist only as a handy break period to get a snack, go to the bathroom or do any number of other activities that involve not watching the commercials. The only enhancement the TiVo provides is the ability to pause and/or rewind if your commercial-break activities run over.

What difference will championing live variety shows make? Even if people go to great pains to watch it live—which I doubt, because the TiVo still records it, and you can excitedly rush home if everyone at work the next morning describes it as a trainwreck)—their attention won’t be so rapt that they forget why they used to rush out of the room during commercial breaks in the old dark ages of 1999. Live TV won’t solve the TiVo problem—good TV will. NBC needs to give viewers something they want to watch; Jay Leno in primetime isn’t it.

Bones (Fox) — Man, I really like this show, but I can’t let them off for having two sociopath-kid killers in a row. November 19th’s episode, in which a crazy kid kills a woman to (theoretically) save his family unit and his parents’ marriage worked decently well, but this week’s “sinister rich girl whose mother covers up murder” did not work nearly as well. It’s an off episode, but a disappointing one since the show won’t return until mid-January.

Everybody Hates Chris (The CW) — Okay, the “Brother from Another Mother” program made me laugh out loud, but otherwise, the main story was fun but forgettable. If the writers aren’t careful, this could turn into another That ’70s Show, where the parents end up getting more interesting (yet marginalized) subplots than the kids. More than a week later, I can say Julius’ Oprah fixation, and Rochelle’s subsequent anger/jealousy, was a much more entertaining and memorable subplot. Not that I’d mind that, necessarily, but the writers usually do a great job with the kids’ stories—I’d hate to see that fall by the wayside. Hopefully a great subplot took shape the same week as a bland main plot.

King of the Hill (Fox) — It’s funny to me that November 30th’s episode was essentially a hybrid of this series’ first and third episodes—you have the overly sensitive idiot clashing with Hank, and you have the Order of the Straight Arrow theoretically teaching Bobby the things every young man needs to know about life. If King of the Hill wants to recycle storylines, I’m glad they’ve gone all the way back to the beginning instead of picking something from last year. Still, I couldn’t help feeling like we’ve been here before, and despite the hilarious mace scene, it doesn’t reach the “classic” heights of the first Straight Arrow episode’s snipe hunt/Wimitanyae/whooping crane hilarity.

Leverage (TNT) — TNT’s new show has a lot going for it—great cast, good use of its Chicago location (for the pilot, at least; legend has it that subsequent episodes will be shot in Los Angeles), a nifty premise and style to spare. It’s not quite as effortless or well-written as USA Network’s Burn Notice, but this pilot did a whole lot of (largely clunky) setup and, I hope, will get into a groove in the coming weeks. Essentially a heist show, it brings together super-criminals to do a little Robin Hood action after getting burned by Saul Rubinek (and, let me tell you, nobody plays “obnoxious businessman” like Rubinek). Thanks to Rubinek, the entire team becomes independently wealthy but, rather than than retire, they decide they’ve had too much fun and agree to keep doing work for the little guy getting squashed by the rich. A timely yet timeless message.

Yet, it goes a little overboard. Nothing was less convincing than the absurd/disturbing moment where the “crazy” woman flashes back to blowing up her house (one assumes with her parents still inside) to keep possession of a stolen stuffed bunny, or the laugh-out-loud-but-still-ridiculous moment where super-bad-ass Christian Kane presents himself as an IT nerd. Somehow, the earnest goofiness made me want to like the show, even when I was rolling my eyes. Despite its implausibility, it showed more spark and imagination than the repetitive, on-the-nose dialogue constantly reminding us of each character’s specialty and motivation.

Where the show really shines, though, is with the heist and the triple-cross—the twists and surprises worked, and the writing exhibited the same level of imagination but in a more grounded way. I hesitate to say “believable,” but it certainly didn’t cause any heavy eye-rolling. It’s escapist fun, and with a cast this good, it may turn into something more. Surprisingly, a second new episode airs Tuesday night. Keep your eyes peeled.

The Office (NBC) — I’m still hating the Dwight-Angela-Andy triangle, despite the actors’ efforts to make it work. (In particular, Ed Helms did a great job with the anger-management-repressed rage regarding wedding delays.) I’ll just ignore that subplot and concentrate on the surplus. I can’t quite ignore it, though, because it occupied enough screen time to make the surplus story less effective than it could have been. Who hasn’t been in an office situation like this? It’s the vaguely creepy, depressing time where factions form and everyone’s at each others’ throats—and even though you say it’s all about chairs versus a new copier, deep down it’s all about a dislike of certain coworkers for certain reasons. You can’t get into fistfights at the office, so you let it stew and bring it out during the very few sanctioned intraoffice conflicts. This episode didn’t exploit that subtext at all, because it spent too much time at Schrute Farms. See what love triangles do to your show, Office writers? Do you see?!

Pushing Daisies (ABC) — Thank you, writers, for answering my desire to love your show less by first giving us the world’s crappiest Eva Gabor impersonation (last week), then ending this week’s episode with a heaping dose of Kristin Chenoweth’s nasal bleating. Here I was, loving the show for bringing back Chuck’s father “permanently”—and casting Ed’s great Josh Randall in the role—and making Dwight Dixon more sinister, and then more dead, and bringing in Beth Grant and Patrick Fischler as Ned’s cooking rivals… I found myself enraged that ABC has already canceled this great show. And then Chenoweth started squealing, and I realized there are worse things than the show’s cancelation. But, come on, couldn’t they compromise by turning the murder of Olive Snook into a new, multi-episode arc? I hear Knight Rider is staying on the air solely because of a Ford subsidy. Maybe the twin revenue streams of Bakers Square and my own Remove Kristin Chenoweth from Television Club can afford to keep this show afloat for another season or three. ABC, call me.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox) — The November 24th episode, in which Sarah’s obsession with “the three dots” leads to her getting conned by the vaporware-selling father of a super-nerd, showed me something this show really ought to show more often: stupidity and emotions getting in the way of the mission’s “success.” Granted, the writers haven’t made it easy for them to succeed, and the characters make a wide variety of stupid decisions—but they don’t often acknowledge the connection between failures and human foibles. This time, they did, and it paid off. The emotional core also paid off nicely in a subplot I didn’t want to like—the Turk killing off Dr. Sherman far too quickly—but I did, because it offered a counterpoint to Sarah’s “weakness” by showing the machines’ weakness, its total lack of emotions. Also, Riley’s nuts and from the future… I didn’t really see that coming, but the idea that her “mission” is to keep John away from Cameron certainly makes things more interesting. Oh, and attaching Cromartie’s body to the Turk? Kick ass!

This week’s episode… I know people give this show shit for not being all action all the time, but I thought it was just about brilliant, aided in no small part by yet another stellar guest appearance by Todd Stashwick. The man is everywhere these days, and much as I’d like to see him get another regular gig—look, in the span of six months he’s played a crazy grifter, a cowardly middle-manager, a zombie, a Bela Lugosi-inspired Dracula and a Terminator—and that’s just on the shows I watch. So yes, Stashwick plays a sinister machine apparently sent to the wrong time and driven to insane lengths in order to complete his mission. It’s an interesting side-note to learn that their time-traveling equipment isn’t exactly foolproof—I hope this will play a role in later episodes.

I should also point out the equally great guest appearance by Billy Lush (Generation Kill) as a wheelchair-bound cancer patient (in remission) who befriends library-dwelling Cameron. She’s the one digging into Stashwick’s story—she’s obsessed, because apparently her mission is more than just protecting John. She needs to both learn everything she can about humanity and stop Judgment Day. That’s a lot of weight to carry, even for a machine. The creepy ending where Cameron couldn’t be bothered to find out what happened to Lush (I thank the writers for leaving that ambiguous, too), because her goal is to gain secret, late-night access to the library.

One final note: much as I love Lost, the creepy Dharma Initiative film-strips and videos suffer from using cheap, basic filters to make them look grainy. I don’t know what the cinematographer, editors and/or visual effects people did, but the newsreels of Stashwick in the ’20s looked much more authentically old. Same with the narrators (on both the films and the radio broadcast)—too often, “old-timey” narrators merely sound like parodies; whoever they had doing the narration did a great job capturing the sound and cadence of those old recordings without overdoing it. Well done.

D. B. Bates is a film critic and television viewer who has often shouted at fictional characters who probably wouldn’t listen to him even if they could hear him and existed in reality. Interested in explaining to D. B. the many ways he got it wrong? E-mail him.

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