December 9, 2007

57 Channels (and Nothing On)

What, you thought I was kidding last week? We got a pretty solid Heroes finale and perhaps the best Reaper episode of the series’ run (unfortunately, legend has it that this will also be the last episode until the strike ends), but otherwise? Damn you, television. I can’t write a weekly column if nothing’s on. The few readers who care about my opinions won’t stick around to hear me ramble about Mythbusters reruns.

Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) — So Karen and Simon are together and Nick’s jealous? Oh no, sorry, he’s not jealous. He just seems Simon manipulating Karen just like he manipulated Patrick—and, Nick fears, manipulated him. That’s right, no jealousy. You hear me, show? No jealousy! Because nobody cares about Nick and Karen.

In brighter news, I suspect Juliet’s new boyfriend is bad news. I suspect Jeremy and Lisa getting together (not like that…unless that’s where it’s headed!) is the show’s worst move since Nick and Karen, and not just because Zoe McLellan is shrill and irritating in the role. Did anything else happen? Oh yeah, Carmelita got kidnapped. I gotta say, it’s pretty sad that of the two relationships I’m most invested in, one is built on a foundation of hilarious lies (Jeremy and Sofia, although it appears that’s over) and the other is between a reluctant politician and his tranny hooker. Good times!

Heroes (NBC) — I wish I had more to say about this show than: it’s impossible to take any death seriously now that we have Claire’s blood as the easy cure for anything. I wish I could say I was interested in something as lame as the Shanti virus, but I’m just not. I still enjoy the show, but the only thing I’m curious about is why it looked like Bennet was Nathan Petrelli’s shooter. I know he’s back to working for The Company, but why do they want the “heroes” to remain a secret? I suppose they explored some of that last year, when we traveled to a dystopian future where heroes were freaks in the manner of the X-Men universe, hunted and imprisoned simply for being. But, um…I thought they only did that because the “heroes” were blamed for the nuclear attack on New York? Why would their outing get the same reaction?

My Name Is Earl (NBC) —Is he finally out? For real? It’s about fucking time!

Reaper (The CW) — Wow, this episode managed to take my minor quibbles with the show—lack of depth in its heroes, dull/repetitive villains, and not making the Sam-Andi relationship really meaningful—and managed to undo all the damage in one fell swoop. Thanks to this week’s stolen loot, we got more insight into the characters than ever before. It would appear greed really does bring out the best in people! Perhaps the most entertaining development: Ted, the manager of the Bench, as a recovering gambling addict.

Adding to this, it looks like Sam’s potential relationship with Cady will cause a little jealousy with Andi, easily the most interesting monkey wrench ever thrown into what has been, thus far, a fairly bland take on the will-they-or-won’t-they “relationship.” Similar, the Devil didn’t exactly act please about Sam dating her. He can deny his lovechild all he wants; all the wilting plants and dead goldfish speak volumes.

I fear the hiatus created by the strike may cause Reaper to lose momentum, both in gaining audience members and retaining former audience members. Let’s hope the CW is smart enough to play some choice reruns before it comes back.

Next week: Even less is on. Imagine it!

D. B. Bates is a film critic and television viewer who has often shouted at fictional characters who probably wouldn’t listen to him even if they could hear him and existed in reality. Interested in explaining to D. B. the many ways he got it wrong? E-mail him.

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