WTF!

| August 2, 2017

While spending their spring break at a secluded cabin in the woods, a group of teenagers are horrified to discover that a psychopath is picking them off one by one in increasingly gruesome ways.  Among the group we have Rachel (Callie Ott), who has survived a similar slaughter years earlier; her boyfriend Toby (Nicholas James Reilly), who will screw anything that moves; Bonnie (Andrea Hunt), the sexy one who all the guys wanna get with; lisa (Sarah Agor), the other sexy one that all the guys wanna get with; and Jacob (Benjamin Norris), the resident stoner.  You also have Perez Hilton in there, who is famous but I don’t know why and playing a character here that is completely forgettable.  Apparently his name is Donnie.

If the premise feels familiar, you may recognize it from every single other horror movie ever made.  We don’t just have tropes here, or even clichés.  They need to use a new word to describe the levels of unoriginality in this film, possibly named after writer/director Peter Herro.  That would be my suggestion.

All of the performances are terrible.  The girls go from zero to crazy in 4 seconds flat, yelling at the top of their lungs at whoever’s around for any and all reasons.  The guys are all horny frat boys who get high and play video games when they’re not banging the closest pair of open legs.  So, while the characters are badly played, the deeper issue is how they’re written.  No one has any strengths or unique character traits or really anything that distinguishes them from the smorgasbord of privileged white douche bags that populate this film.

The script, if there was one, felt like it was written by a 12 year old who had to invent as many pretenses as possible to capture gratuitous profanity and nudity on screen.  And I mean gratuitous.  The language is over the top and everyone strips down naked for no reason at all.  I’m not bothered by the presence of foul language and nudity in a movie, but would appreciate it if it served any purpose at all.

Finally I want to talk about the ending, so I will get into spoilers if you want to skip the rest of the review, but I strongly encourage you not to waste your time with this movie.  I had a pretty good idea of how things were going to play out from our introduction to the characters.  Part of it was that I saw a much better version of this movie’s twist done a few months ago in a film called Last Girl Standing where a girl who survives a massacre becomes so traumatized by the incident that she becomes a killer and wipes out her new group of friends.  It was a twist like nothing I’d seen in a horror movie and I liked it a lot, but maybe it gave me an upper hand in seeing that Rachel in this movie was going to end up being the killer.  Especially since we never see the killer so it’s safe to assume it’s someone we know, and we keep cutting to Rachel being interrogated by the police as to what happened so her telling us that her brother is the one committing the murders makes her an unreliable narrator.  It’s frustrating to me to see right through all of the film’s gimmicks, but I could have been okay with figuring it out if the characters weren’t all abysmally written and played.

Available now on Amazon Prime from Midnight Releasing.

About the Author:

Joe Sanders is a podcaster, playwright, and college instructor in Kalamazoo, MI. He has a master's degree in playwriting and a bachelor's degree in creative writing from Western Michigan University, where he currently teaches thought and writing, and is the host of the Quote Unquote Guilty podcast, part of the Word Salad Network.
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