Resident Evil: Extinction

| September 24, 2007

The subtitle says it all. The extinction of decent sequels that began this year has reached its peak with this shitty threequel. The failure of this movie saddens me to my very core, as the Resident Evil series (in my eyes, at least) was the only decent video game-turned-movie franchise out there.
What the fuck happened with this movie? This begs the frequently occurring question–how do you fuck up a movie about people shooting zombies? Apparently, it can be done, as proved two years ago with Doom. In case you haven’t figured out by now, I was a huge fan of the first two flicks, and I thought Resident Evil: Apocalypse was one of the better zombie movies of this decade.
But anyway, the plot of Extinction makes very little sense, thanks to incoherent director Russell Mulcahy, who you may remember from Highlander fame (but after Highlander 2, no one wanted to hire him anymore). Milla Jovovich was the only good thing about this movie. She has proven over the years that her acting ability can overcome a shitty script and director. Everyone else in the flick made me want to kill myself, especially Mike Epps and that Middle Eastern dude from the Mummy movies.
The Resident Evil flicks are supposed to be about one thing and one thing only: crazy-ass zombie action. Besides a cool, lengthy fight in the film’s midsection, Extinction fails to deliver on action and thrills, as the plot spends over an hour just showing our main characters farting around in the desert before any sort of battle takes place. The flick could’ve saved itself with a long action sequence, but that sequence never comes. And the running time is only 90 minutes, anyway. So what you’re dealing with is an hour of nap time, a cool 15-minute fight and then another 15 minutes of yawn.
Extinction‘s plot begs numerous questions, such as: is Alice really a robot? Why does the main bad guy wear sunglasses all the time in the dark? Why is Ali Larter’s character in charge of drifters when she has no training and appears incompetent? Why does Mike Epps still have a career? Why did I see this instead of The Bourne Ultimatum for the fourth time? Why can Alice can destroy hundreds of zombies and large creatures but can’t take down three retarded hillbillies? Where the fuck did Jill Valentine go? What happened to Paul W.S. Anderson’s writing abilities? Is Milla’s baby in real life going to be a zombie baby?
Just stay the hell away from Extinction. That’s the best advice I can give. But fanboys probably won’t listen. I wouldn’t listen to a bad review, either. The film obviously sets up a fourth sequel at the end. Here’s hoping they can keep Jovovich on board and come up with some badass action next time around.
Grade: D+

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