Bratz: The Movie

| August 3, 2007

There are three ways a studio can come about a screenplay: an original idea or true story written for the screen, books, or toys. Movies from toys don’t come around as often, but oddly enough, we’ve had two just this summer; Transformers and Bratz: The Movie. I can tell you right now, Transformers wins.
With a blast of sparkles and hair, the first live-action movie about the scantily clad bitch dolls was finally released. By the time I noticed my brain had slipped out of my ear and down into the heavily buttered popcorn below, it was too late. (Prepare for a sarcasm attack.) In this groundbreaking children’s film, the four main girls–Sasha, Jade, Yasmin, and Cloe (top 4 stripper names of 2003 as declared by Jugs magazine)–find themselves sucked into a regime of cliques organized by the principal’s daughter/mini-Hitler, Meredith. Though the high school seems to be run by this girl and her “Gestapo” of pretty people, nobody seems to notice their freedoms have been confiscated. Then again, I don’t think any of the characters hit up a history class in the whole movie. The force of the cliques rip the four girls apart for two years, and they later attempt to reclaim their individuality by dethroning Meredith and making the school a better place…through song and dance.
I can understand the point of taking on the high school clique system, and unfortunately, it’s pretty true. Jocks, nerds, skaters, kids who dress as dinosaurs (I don’t know, it’s in the movie)–the fact is, in real life, high school students segregate themselves; no one tells them to. Among some of the more notable issues with this film, I have to point out the poor performance by a once-acclaimed Jon Voight. His character, the school principal, seemed to be shoved into the center of the plot just because it was felt they needed one actual actor to weigh down this paper-thin plot in this windy, sequel-filled summer. Didn’t work. After seeing this one, Kramer would probably rather take the bus than drive Jon Voight’s old junk car. I’d also like to state that the sound effect count was tremendous, making one wonder, If they wanted it to seem like a cartoon, why didn’t they just punch out another Bratz cartoon? Otherwise, it is just a shallow display of girly drama sandwiched in with one too many dance numbers, featuring horrific acting that should have been left on the stage at the local Rep theater.
It is truly a battle to stay awake for this one, as well as mildly offensive when you see six-year-olds in make-up and heels and realize that the message is “If you’re thin and pretty, you can achieve anything.”

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