Posted: 03/24/2003

 

The 75th Annual Academy Awards

by Coco Delgado



The Oscars as seen from Coco’s couch.


Film Monthly Home
Archives
Wayne Case
Interviews
Steve Anderson
The Rant
Short Takes (Archived)
Small Screen Monthly
Behind the Scenes
New on DVD
The Indies
Horror
Film Noir
Coming Soon
Now Playing
Television
Books on Film
What's Hot at the Movies This Week
Interviews TV

(Channel-flipping various Oscar pre-shows)

You know…maybe keeping Joan and Melissa the hell off the red carpet is a good thing…

Oh, those so aren’t real!

“Cringetastic.” Hm. I kind of like that…

My favourite Oscar gown? The one Harvey Fierstein wears when he gets nominated for something!

Bob Hope…He’s a Gemini! His birthday’s not til the end of May! Oh, I hope they don’t trot him out again…that’s so sad.

(And now, the 75th Annual Academy Awards)

I am so happy Steve’s hosting—you won’t catch him in any crazy outfits! I missed him last year…

I’m not sure how I feel about this year marking my personal 25th anniversary of watching the Oscars…the fact that I’ve seen a third of something that’s 75 is a little frightening…

Explain to me again how Gladiator won, because seeing it with the other 74 in a montage, it’s really hard to understand…

Damn that sneaky Miramax!

Steve, Steve, Steve…when will you learn that gay jokes just don’t get the big laughs at the Oscars…?

Ooooh! Did you see what Jack did!? I learned that in 7th grade!

“There are no losers here tonight…we’re about to change all that.”

“If you’d like a transcript of the show, write down every word we say.” I’m trying, baby, I’m trying…

They’re starting out with Animated Feature? What happened to Best Supporting? And don’t they usually have animated presenters? I guess they really are cutting back…

Ah. There they are. And, yay! Chris Cooper! About damn time…But he forgot to thank Donald!

Note to self: If you pick Chicago for the Oscar, do not change your pick to something else!

What does it mean if the musical doesn’t win Best Song?

Oh, good. I was afraid no one was going to mention Ndugu. It’s his night, too…

The costume designer won for Chicago. I’m guessing she didn’t design her own dress…

Whoa…what did Sean Connery just say!? Wow…I didn’t see that coming at all! Catherine Zeta-Jones looks amazing…and very very pregnant. I wonder when she’s due?

Ooh, technincal awards! Time for snacks! Who wants more wine?

Bugger. I so wanted Aki Kurismaki to win for Finland…now that movie will never come to Boston.

Well…twelve Oscars have been awarded, and I’ve picked six correctly…that’s half! That’s a personal best. Actually, six is probably a personal best for the whole ceremony.

I miss all the kvetching over bad outfits, though.

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I hope Charlton Heston is watching this right now! And oh! Yes! “We like non fiction, and we live in a fictitious time with a fictitious election and a fictitious president…” Oh, bless you Michael Moore, you are my hero…it’s nearly two hours in and it’s about bloody time someone shook this thing up! Apart from, you know, you being right and all…

See? I told you no one would vote against a docco about Sept. 11.

“It was so sweet, backstage, you should have seen it…the Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo…”

Shrek! Aw.


Boy, I sure love Steve Martin’s insightful observations. You sure can tell he’s a Mensa member, can’t you?


Oh, so that’s Colin Farrell’s real voice…I see why he never uses it in his films.


You know, the commercials during the Oscars this year seriously kick the commercials during the Superbowl’s asses.


“Later we’re doing a montage of people you think are dead, but aren’t.”


Wow. Adrien Brody. Didn’t see that one coming—from the look on his face, he didn’t, either…and he’s only 29, too. I feel old. Where’s my wine? “One second, one second…cut it out. I get one shot at this.” And they stopped! I don’t think I’ve ever seen them do that before!


Eminem is an Oscar winner. Like he himself said: “Oh my.”


HA! “By a nose…Nicole Kidman!” I made that joke today!


“That’s the last time I share a dressing room with him!” Hey, the boring guy in charge made a joke!


Wow. 60 Oscar winning actors and actresses. That’s impressive. Claude Jarman Junior is especially cool.

Richard Gere is one of the world’s favorite actors? Really? Sounds like he’s lost his voice a bit…

I hope Adaptation wins…I want to see Donald come up. Oh, darn.

Have they ever given a Best Screenplay to a foreign film before?

They gave it to Roman Polanski, I did not think they would do that…that’s incredible. Considering when he fled the country he went to France and all…

Ooh, here it comes…who knew Kirk Douglas was funny?

Kirk: “…And the winner is…”
Mike: “You’re supposed to say, ‘the Oscar goes to…’”
Kirk: “And the winner is…”

The tearing-in-half was great…

Chicago! CHICAGO!

I actually picked this one! I think, in 25 years, this is the first time I have ever picked Best Picture! I got nine out of 24—just over a third—right this year. That is, without question, the best I have ever done. So. Along with my resolution to see more than 66 movies this year, I have to pick more Oscar winners next year. Cool.

“I have so many people to thank, including Steven Spielberg. Why? Because it can’t hurt.”

Wow. 12:04am…that’s less than 4 hours! I’m impressed.

(Here’s what I said last year. I had almost the exact same observation about the winner for Costume Design that I had this year.)

Coco Delgado lives in Cambridge-Somerville and always sits in the front row. Her 2003 New Years resolution is to see more than the 66 movies she saw last year.



Got a problem? E-mail us at filmmonthly@gmail.com