Posted: 01/27/2005

 

Hank’s Best & Worst Films of 2004

by Hank Yuloff




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Top Movies of 2004
The Incredibles —Great animation, better humor.

Hotel Rwanda—Don Cheadle IS the movie.

The Aviator—Didn’t think DeCaprio could pull it off. Was I wrong.

Million $ Baby—Clint, Hillary, and

Beyond the Sea—In other years, Spacey could get best actor…

Ray—But not this year. Jaimie Fox. Who gets it for this film…

and…

Collateral—The best looking film of the year.

Farenheit 9/11—I was so angry when I left the theater, and the guy STILL got re-elected.

The Notebook—Completely touching.

De-Lovely—A wonderful story, and movie.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind—One of these days, Jim Carrey gets nominated as best actor.

The Next Group (Runner’s Up)

Sideways—I needed a drink after this one.

Kinsey—I needed a condom after this one.

Still We Believe: The Boston Red Sox Movie 2003—I needed a tissue after this one.

Saved!—The best farce movie of the year.

Finding Neverland—Depp excellent.

Phantom of the Opera—but was the teaser trailer more exciting?

Osama—notable because it was the first film made in Afghanistan post-Taliban. This is what your tax money went for—a new movie industry.

Born to Brothels—a documentary set in Calcutta’s red light district.

The Last Shot—I love movies about movies being made.

Cute Date Movies That Are Worth Seeing Again:

Wimbledon—I really dig Paul Bettany. Dunst plays like a girl.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow—I really dig Angelina!

Mean Girls—cute idea, well executed.

Hidalgo—Why the long face? There IS a happy ending.

In Good Company—the GOOD Dennis Quaid movie of 2004

First Annual Adam Sandler Makes Two Good Movies in a Year Award: 50 First Dates and Spanglish

Worst Movies of the Year
And these are just the pieces of manure I actually saw:

The Life Aquatic—I got sucked into Rushmore just like this one. Too out there even for me.

Closer—Talk talk talk talk talk one good panty scene with Natalie Portman talk talk talk talk.

Havana Nights: Dirty Dancing 2—Not even good enough to be on my Stupid Sequels list.

13 Going on 30—Do we ever have to see another 13 year old in a 30 year old body story again? Wasn’t BIG enough? And while we are at it, many thanks to Tom Hanks for NOT making a sequal called Big Enough.

A Day Without a Mexican—A great premise horribly executed

Napoleon Dynamite—I am willing to cave in on the fact that I just did not get this one and may have to see it again… “Iddddiot.”

The Day After Tomorrow—Great seeing New York get creamed. The BAD Dennis Quaid movie of 2004

White Chicks—Come on… They didn’t even look like the two other chicks.

Alfie— First 5 minutes are good. If you want to pay for the rest of them, that is your problem.

Welcome to Mooseport—Just sad.

The Very Long Engagement—Just too long and boring.

The Blair Witch Project—Still the worst pile of crap ever made.

Six Stupidist Sequels of the Year

Scary Movie 4
Barbershop 2
Agent Cody Banks 2
Bridget Jones 2
Scooby Doo 2
Anacondas—Hunt for the Blood Orchid
And TWO good ones:
Spiderman 2
Kill Bill 2
Four Re-Makes that Did Not Need Re-Making

Manchurian Candidate
Flight of the Phoenix
The Stepford Wives
Alfie
Worst Same Plot Duo of the Year
(Or, if at first you don’t succeed, make another bad movie with the same story):

First Daughter
Chasing Liberty
Worst Movie Idea for 2005:
Bewitched

Hank Yuloff is a curmudgeon and film critic living it up in sunny LA.



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