Author Archive: seitz.patrick

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Spirited Away

Spirited Away

| September 26, 2002

Hayao Miyazaki has left me scratching my head. His Spirited Away is a fine movie, and its plot credits the audience with oodles more intelligence than 97% of the animation out there, but I didn’t think that it was all that and a bag of rice cakes. To hear the critics sing its praises, you’d […]

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XXX

XXX

| August 14, 2002

Just like a jug of moonshine, the XXX label ensures the contents to be unhealthful, disorienting, and nauseating when taken in too large a quantity. I’ll admit it…I want to like Vin Diesel. He was a much-needed shot in the arm for “Pitch Black,” and one of the few redeeming qualities of “The Fast and […]

Scotland, PA

Scotland, PA

| March 11, 2002

As I recall, the conversation went a little something like this: Friend: “What do you want to see?” Me: “I dunno. How’s about Black Hawk Down?” Friend: “Hmmm…too much of a downer this evening. Let’s see Scotland, PA instead.” Me: “What’s it about?” Friend: “According to the paper, it’s a remake of “Macbeth’ set in […]

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Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist

Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist

| February 7, 2002

Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist has drawn many comparisons to a Saturday Night Live skit given far too long to live — and the comparisons, sadly enough, are quite deserved. Writer/director/producer/star master Steve Oedekerk bought the rights to the 1976 kung-fu film Savage Killers, redubbed it, added new scenes, and digitally inserted his head onto […]

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Patrick’s Best and Worst of 2001

Patrick’s Best and Worst of 2001

| January 10, 2002

The Best #10–Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within #9–Spy Game / Enemy at the Gates #8–Traffic #7–The Others #6–Hedwig and the Angry Inch #5–O #4–Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon #3–The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring #2–Memento #1–Moulin Rouge The Worst (with bile-induced exposition, for added drama!) #10–The Omega Code II / Left Behind: The […]

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Impostor

Impostor

| January 8, 2002

I walked into Impostor fully expecting it to suck. Rather close-minded thinking from a reviewer, you might say, but all things considered, I think a bit of trepidation on my part was more than justified. Admittedly, all was not doom and gloom. Impostor sprang from a sound source, so to speak. It was based on […]

The One

The One

| November 8, 2001

Cool fighting…a prize of immense power…actors who haven’t quite mastered English pronunciation. Highlander fans and Jet Li fans unite for some popcorn-and-nachos fun with James Wong’s The One. I must admit to a certain giddy sense of excitement surrounding the release of The One ever since the first time I saw its trailer. It looked, […]

John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars

John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars

| September 1, 2001

Strong plot, well-rounded characters, and quality special effects don’t stand a ghost of a chance of appearing in John Carpenter’s latest clunker. Believe it or not, I can think of at least two people who walked out of John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars with smiles on their faces–Brian de Palma and Courtney Love. Why, you […]

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Eight Legged Freaks

Eight Legged Freaks

| July 20, 2001

As I stumbled out of Eight Legged Freaks last night, eight dollars poorer and 99 minutes older, I prayed that the brain death that such a film must undoubtedly engender in its viewers would spare me long enough to write this review and e-mail it in. If I could save one person from going to […]

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Evolution

Evolution

| June 3, 2001

Lock up your daughters, creationists! The Darwinists are running amok, kicking ass, and taking names in Evolution, a pleasant nachos-and-Icee summer film. For a man whose trademark ingredients seem to include quirky college professors and huge, gooey explosions, director/producer Ivan Reitman sure knows how to please an audience. In this summer of elephantine openings, uber-hype, […]