Author Archive: fletcher.clint

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‘Snakes on a Plane’ will Destroy ‘Titanic’

‘Snakes on a Plane’ will Destroy ‘Titanic’

| April 1, 2006 | 0 Comments

For those of you that still haven’t heard of the movie above, allow me to introduce you. This August, a horror/comedy called Snakes on a Plane starring bad motherfucker Samuel L. Jackson will be slithering its way into theaters. Yes, it will be Rated R and intent on being a very hard, graphic R. And […]

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Failure to Launch

Failure to Launch

| March 14, 2006 | 0 Comments

After being pushed back from Valentine’s weekend for whatever reason, the first official date movie of the year hits theaters. And yes, that’s a big “fuck you” to the terrible flick that was actually called DATE MOVIE. And naturally, spring is here so everyone is sappy and horny and ready for some sweet loving. And […]

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16 Blocks

16 Blocks

| March 6, 2006 | 0 Comments

A drunken cop has 118 minutes to take a witness 16 blocks to a court trial in Manhattan. But what do you do when those 118 minutes turn out to be sheer boredom? What has happened to Bruce Willis lately? Oh waitaminute, I know what it is. He doesn’t know how to pick good movies! […]

Ultraviolet

Ultraviolet

| March 6, 2006 | 0 Comments

It’s funny how people keep talking about last year’s big drought at the movies. This statement seems to correlate with “last year was the worst year ever for movies.” I beg to differ as we are already into the third month of the year and so far I’ve only enjoyed two movies. Ultraviolet wasn’t one […]

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Jessica Alba vs. a Pile of Shit

Jessica Alba vs. a Pile of Shit

| March 1, 2006 | 0 Comments

There is only one purpose to this article–to compare actress Jessica Alba to a steaming pile of shit. Which is more talented? Which one tastes better? Will either of these objects ever win an Oscar? We’ll find out tonight. Let’s start with brains. A pile of shit is brainless and so is Jessica Alba. I […]

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Short Takes – March 2006

Short Takes – March 2006

| March 1, 2006 | 0 Comments

Television ABC’s hit The Bachelor ended this week, with boring Nashville doctor Travis picking the Nashville Kindergarten teacher Sarah. I guess it helps when you live in the same hometown so you can sneak around during breaks of filming in Paris. But Sarah wasn’t the only one spotted with Travis around Music City. At least […]

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George Lucas Is a Sellout

George Lucas Is a Sellout

| February 2, 2006 | 0 Comments

My apologies, my fellow fans. This article is long overdue. And I’m not apologizing to the Star Wars virgins… grr… fans! I mean, the people that actually read my articles. As a matter of fact, since most of you guys spend all your time on the computer and will undoubtedly read this, I urge you […]

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The Fifth Annual Doughboy Awards

The Fifth Annual Doughboy Awards

| February 1, 2006 | 0 Comments

Hello all, your favorite critic Fletch here. The results are in for this year’s Doughboy Awards. Thanks again to all who voted and we’ll see you guys next year! — Fletch BAD-ASS OF THE YEAR Mickey Rourke, SIN CITY P.O.S.* OF THE YEAR DOOM BEST LINE OF 2005 “Only two things can happen when you […]

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Short Takes – February 2006

Short Takes – February 2006

| February 1, 2006 | 0 Comments

Television January is turning into the new September for television premieres. FX’s The Shield opened its fifth season four months ahead of schedule, and after months of advertising the appearance of Forest Whitaker, fans of the show were terribly let down as Whitaker portrayed one of the creepiest cop characters in TV history. No, its […]

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Underworld: Evolution

Underworld: Evolution

| January 23, 2006 | 0 Comments

What the hell is happening here? This is the second time I’ve extremely enjoyed myself at the movies in the month of January. Can someone explain this madness? I’m sure it comes to no one’s surprise that I’m a huge Underworld fan. While the original has its benefits over the sequel, Evolution delivers the goods […]

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