The Last Legion returns audiences to the always popular Arthurian legend, though Arthur's personal appearance in the film is quite brief.  Instead, the film blends scant historical details with a good dose of fiction to connect the story of the last emperor of the Western Roman Empire with Arthurian lore.  Other leading characters from the Arthurian legend are present and accounted for, including Merlin and the famous Excalibur.  Benefiting from continued interest in the mythic king, the film nevertheless works hard to be accessible to those who have never heard of the Pendragon clan.

As described by The Last Legion, King Arthur's father was the last emperor of Rome, named Romulus Augustus.  Apparently, Romulus descends from Julius Caesar himself, which the film repeats often to lend the young emperor some legitimacy (though history describes him as a usurper controlled by his father).  Ascending to the throne at age 14, Romulus is forced to flee when the empire is overrun by Germanic invaders. 

Protected by his wise and somewhat mystical teacher (Sir Ben Kingsley in flowing white robes and a long white beard) and a brave Roman general (Colin Firth doing his manly and stoic thing), Romulus and co. flee to Britain, where they must battle a host of familiar and new enemies.  Along the way, Romulus finds the ancient sword Excalibur, called here something similar in Latin, supposedly the sword of Julius Caesar (!?).

Let's get real--parts of this movie just don't make sense, so bring your suspension of disbelief to the cinema.  If you are a fan of CliffsNotes©, then this is the story for you, because it plays like an extremely abbreviated epic.  First, there's the battle in Rome.  Then everything shifts, and there's a battle in Capri.  Then everything shifts again, and we are in Britain, getting to know a whole new group of characters--the last legion of Roman soldiers able to help our band of warriors.

Now's there's nothing wrong with an ambitious story, but this film simply doesn't have time to do everything.  Basing their screenplay for The Last Legion on the novel of the same name by Valerio Manfredi, perhaps the fraternal screenwriting duo of Jez Butterworth and Tom Butterworth try too hard to include all the details from the book. 

The opening moments of the film are instructive examples of this overloaded plotting and rapid-fire pacing.  A boy sits atop a grand statue (and I wonder, how the heck did he get up there?).  A soldier returns home and stares at a uniform with ambiguous feelings.  He talks with some guy that we don't know.  The boy sneaks into his tent to play with the soldier's sword and gets caught by the soldier, who threatens to cut off his hand.  The boy is saved by his teacher and returns to his family where he is crowned the emperor of Rome.  All this in about two minutes.

The editing in this scene is choppy and the storytelling feels rushed.  But more troubling is the inconsistency of the characters.  Why does the boy not tell the general his identity?  Why does the general dislike the teacher?  Their antagonism feels forced.  Why are all the Romans British?  Okay, that last point is a bit weak; indeed, I am grateful that the actors did not attempt to fake accents. 

But why are the Goths able to communicate so easily with the Romans?  Heck, why are the Goths able to read Latin?  But for points like these, and for points concerning politics, race, and continuity, director Doug Lefler takes a decidedly vague approach.  If he doesn't get too specific, maybe we won't ask too many questions.

So enough with questions--is the movie any fun?  Actually, yes.  And this in large part is due to the wonder that is Aishwarya Rai, the woman that Roger Ebert repeatedly refers to as the most beautiful woman on earth.  And he's right.  She wanders around this film (apparently without a bra) looking devastatingly gorgeous, while also managing to kick more ass than anyone else in the film.  As her character Mira boasts, she achieved mastery of the mythical fighting taught in Kerala, India (remember, I'm not asking anymore questions) at age 14.  Mira repeatedly fends off upwards of five men by herself.  She kinda rules.

Rai's performance is sincere but she lends her character a touch of wry humor--Mira knows how people see her, and so too does Ms. Rai.  A huge star in her native India, Rai has been breaking into the American market through vehicles like Bride and Prejudice.  Her first appearance in this film (with her face visible) presents Rai coming out of a lake as a highly sexualized play on the legend of the Lady of the Lake, perhaps.  Rai knows how to be sexy, but she also instills in her character an impressive grit and confidence.  She pursues the general, Aurelius, with unabashed bravado, though it is interesting that director Lefler maintains the Indian prohibition upon showing actors kissing.  Rai provides for this movie a much needed charm and vitality.

Colin Firth, in the other hand, goes a bit too far into tragic-hero land.  As a Roman general, he is basically the rock star of the empire, yet he mopes about constantly, torn up at the destruction of his homeland.  Stoic, strong, and brave, Firth's Aurelius is admirable, but with a touch more humor, he would better match Rai.  Kingsley maintains his dignity, somehow, despite all the inconsistencies of the script.  But his acting suffers from direct comparison to Gandalf (indeed, the ghost of LOTR is constantly in the background)

Aurelius travels with a group of soldiers, but only Rupert Friend stands out.  Sure, Friend is gorgeous (and better known for his dating of Keira Knightley than anything else), but with the little screen time that he gets, he finds a way to bring humor to the screen.  Lefler tries to create drama through the friendship Friend's character shares with fellow soldier Anozie (Batiatus Nonso), but the two simply don't have enough time on the screen to develop the intended Merry-Pippin relationship. 

That's pretty much the bottom line of The Last Legion: too much plotting, too little character development, and too little humor.  With films like 300 lingering in the minds of the target audience of young men, The Last Legion simply cannot compete with that level of hard-core violence and technological achievement.  Yet even as I write all this, I kind of hate myself.  There's an old fashioned sweetness to The Last Legion, even an attempt at wonder.  Though it feels a bit dated, I appreciate the swash-buckling intention. 

With Thomas Sangster (the adorable kid from Love Actually) as Romulus, children may appreciate watching one of their peers in such difficult straits.  There is violence aplenty, but most often the camera moves away any time a weapon makes contact with the body of an actor.  Only at one climactic moment, featuring Sangster, does Lefler show a sword enter a body.  For children 10 and older, this film will offer a rollicking good time, and there are enough good actors rising above bad material to keep Mom and Dad entertained.

Karen Petruska is a writer and film reviewer currently living in between reviews.