Srange Wilderness (2008) by Lauren Sepanski
I haven't seen such a barrage of advertising in years! Strange Wilderness, the evil spawn of Fred Wolf and Adam Sandler, features the funny one from That Thing You Do, (Steve Zahn,) the Mac guy, (Justin Long,) and a character whose named after the writer/director. Peter, (Steve Zahn,) hosts a nature show that was handed down to him from his father after his death. The entire production crew of stoners find themselves dead last in ratings and about to lose their show, as a final effort they attempt wildlife footage history when they get a tip of where Bigfoot is hiding. And so set off the least memorable fellowship ever - the fearless leader, the stoner, the alcoholic, the girl, the stoner, the guy written in to get killed, and the stoner. Between the opening credits and the end ones there are several animal attacks, including a 6-minute "turkey on Steve Zahn's crotch" scene. The crew seems to have money issues as well, losing it, coming across more, spending it, miraculously finding more. I figure the the head of wardrobe was shot, because the first time and the last time two of the characters meet with the television executive everyone is wearing the same outfit. Hey movie! Can you be lazier? Please?
I could give a list of things I'd rather have done than see this movie, but that would take forever and I know, for sure, some of you may actually read it. Although I know I can be very compelling, let me begin with the top five major issues I have with this film. 1) The plot was so loose this hour and a half movie could have been a half hour goof-fest on Comedy Central. 2) Ernest Borgnine. 3) The only reason for a script this horrible is that it was written by eight stoned 19 year-old frat boys. 4) There is more free animal file-footage here than ever produced by Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. And 5) Ernest Borgnine.
Now that the unpleasantness is out of the way, let's get to the Medieval-like torture this movie must have caused. Aside from the hippie character wearing a "Hippies Smell" t-shirt, I'm suspecting L.L. Bean paid big bucks to have Columbia outdoors wear featured as much as possible in this movie. I could tell it all hit rock bottom when there was actually a scene devoted to the cast making fun of a guy because his name is Dick. This one isn't worth leaving your house to see, you'd be better off using your $9 as toilet paper. Hey, that's a pretty funny joke. Maybe I should send it to Adam Sandler!
Lauren Sepanski is a writer and film critic living in Los Angeles.
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