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Remember ten years ago when you could go to the movies and catch a kick-ass Stallone flick? I remember when I was eleven and tried sneaking into Cliffhanger, but was denied the pleasure, for I was too young to handle it. In case you guys haven't noticed, the action genre has now reached a point of extinction.

Out of over 200 films released last year in America, only three of them were true-blood action films: Torque, Walking Tall, and Alien vs. Predator. And out of the three of those, only one of them was actually a decent watch. I'll let you figure out which one I'm talking about. What the fuck happened, Hollywood? Some of the best action directors of our time are off doing some other stupid shit that no one cares about, like James Cameron still beating off to that damn boat sinking or John Woo still turning bad thrillers into action movies.

I was watching Point Break the other day and a slight tear of nostalgia was brought to my eye as Gary Busey shot a drug dealer in the head. I miss the days when Steven Seagal was a bankable star. I miss the days when people could take Arnold seriously. I miss the days when another Rambo movie was welcomed and not butchered. I was fully reminded of this horrible feeling when taking a trip down the action section at the video store the other day with my girlfriend. I was bound and determined to make her watch a REAL action movie, none of this Spider-Man 2 shit. But I was disappointed to find that there were very few action movies made after 2001.

Listen people, I like Spider-Man 2 as much as the next dude, but its not an action movie. The main problem with Hollywood these days is that they integrate action sequences into an otherwise action-less story. Dawn of the Dead isn't an action movie, but it featured some of the best adrenaline-pumping sequences I've seen in years. Mission: Impossible 2 is not an action movie, it's a spy movie. But John Woo tried to turn it into an action flick when it was completely unnecessary. Ditto for Paycheck (kill yourself, Affleck!) Come on, Hollywood! The Rock beats up a town of drug-dealers with a 2x4. That's an action movie. A vigilante has to take down the mob for murdering his family. That's an action movie. Despite The Punisher blowing a huge asshole this year, at least the premise was that of an honest to God action picture. I mean, how hard is it to write a script like that? Hollywood, you feed us with shitty comedies and shitty thrillers all year long, but the one genre that allows us to excuse a shitty script you choose to ignore?

What's bad enough is this extinction has caused men to forget what a true-color action movie used to represent. It used to represent camaraderie. It used to represent manhood. It used to be about drinking beer and scratching your nuts and watching Die Hard (which I still do from time to time). The other day I asked a group of my guy friends if they all wanted to go see the new Bruce Willis movie - Hostage. A movie with Bruce Willis and a gun was quickly rejected by my fellow man. I don't blame them and the fact that they've all converted to homosexuality. I blame Hollywood for choosing to bypass every action script that comes it's way these days.

Now most studio execs would tell you that the events of 9/11 caused the drought of action pictures over the last few years. While this may be true, it's entirely ridiculous. There's precious little that society can do that would make us forget what happened on that terrible day. And if Hollywood thinks that not making Lethal Weapon 5 will help me forget 9/11, they're sadly underestimating my intelligence and the rest of the known country as well. Besides, with the click of a button I could be watching Speed on cable, or 24 on Fox, because those programs don't undermine my process of rational thought. Speaking of which, if the writers of 24 can churn out twenty-four riveting scripts of action per year, then surely Hollywood could maybe give us one per month???

So where does that leave us today? There are only two action stars left on the market - Vin Diesel and The Rock. The Rock continues to surprise me with stellar performances in some dynamite action movies such as The Rundown. And maybe one day Diesel will get back on track to films as strong as The Fast and the Furious, but for now he's changing diapers and dishing it out in the courtroom. Everything else is left to the straight-to-video shelves at Blockbuster. It's not Steven Seagal's fault that his movies turned to shit. It's not Jean Claude Van Damme's fault that no reputable filmmaker will work with him anymore. It's the simple fact that the majority of Hollywood has given up on action movies altogether. Van Damme and Seagal didn't write movies for themselves, someone started writing bad scripts for them. Then Seagal got depressed and inhaled too many twinkies, thus forcing him into the straight-to-video universe. Just the same for Van Damme who got depressed and inhaled too much cocaine, thus forcing him into the straight-to-video world.

The future doesn't look too bright, folks. From now until the end of summer, there once again are only three plain action films in sight - Mr. and Mrs. Smith, XXX 2 and Stealth. XXX: State of the Union hits theaters first next month, as it already has become the bud of many jokes around the office. You laugh at an action sequel. You laugh at Ice Cube with cheesy lines and lots of guns. To all you fuckers out there...I raise my fist high and shamelessly mouth the words: "bring it on."