It is a proven psychological fact in the medical field that humans experience a different range of emotions simply based on the climate, temperature and time of season. So for specific genres, it should be a no-brainer when to release these films. Take right now for instance- October is here. In October, we want to see horror movies. In November we want to see dramas (particularly the mainstream Oscar runners) and in December we want to see Christmas movies. From January to March we want to see anything that doesn't have Ice Cube and from March to May the romantic comedy season kicks in as a great supplement to our ever-blooming Spring sex drives. Then the Summer season should be reserved for big-budget blockbusters and then the cycle starts all over again. This plan above is what the people want, but certainly not what the people are getting. Instead this is what we get...

"Shit films" are released during the Fall and Winter seasons. Also known as "dump films" in Hollywood, these phrases are used to describe the worst of the worst, such as this week's Into the Blue starring brainless, worthless, talent-less Jessica Alba. In October we don't get scary movies, but rather action pictures and Christmas films. And then in December we get scary movies. Does this make any fucking sense? Nope. I was watching a shockingly good film just today called Serenity. Serenity is a big budget space adventure that can easily be compared to Star Wars. While the film hasn't done terrible this week, it would've done a lot better had it been released in the Summer. If you happen to glance at any upcoming films slate, you'll notice dozens of bizarre choices, such as the long awaited sequel The Legend of Zorro coming out on... Halloween? I first discovered a problem arising about this time last year when the Affleck-bomb Surviving Christmas was released a week before Halloween and a month later Seed of Chucky opened a few weeks before Christmas. While both films sucked harder than Lindsay Lohan with Disney execs, their box office draw more than likely would've tripled in sales if the idiots in Hollywood would just use some common sense. I don't want to see Halloween movies at Christmas time and I don't want to see ANY films released during the fall and winter. Hmm, here's a thought. Instead of making your "shit films" and releasing them in specific seasons, how about NOT MAKING THEM AT ALL!!!

This isn't a joke. These are literal terms used in Hollywood by people distributing these pictures and to make matters worse, half of these so-called "professionals" know that they're making a dump film from the beginning. Word to the wise guys- if you know you're going to take a massive shit, then don't go near the toilet in the first place. If you know your movie is going to be so much of a failure that the only home for it is during the failure season, then DON'T MAKE IT. To prove my point even further- with the exception of Serenity, virtually every single film released in the month of September has blown including Lord of War, Cry Wolf, The Greatest Game Ever Played, Transporter 2, Into the Blue, The Man, The Cave, The Brothers Grimm, The Skeleton Key, Roll Bounce, Underclassman, and anything else with Nick Cannon. How about we try something new... make good movies all year round! YEAH! I'm sure as most of you already know, there's been a huge slump in theater sales this year. This slump started back in the Winter, and has continued quite steadily since. So just last week I read an article from CNN about how researchers had spent the past four months entering dozens of chat-rooms and talking to thousands of ordinary Joe Blows and discovered that over 90% of the American population blames the slump on (gasp!) a lack of good movies!

Way to go guys, you solved the case! All of you (yes YOU Hollywood!) should stop searching for the problem and start correcting it instead. Luckily, Fletch already has a three-step plan mapped out. 1) Assassinate Nick Cannon. 2) Give filmmakers more freedom because its obvious the people who green-light movies can't decipher shit and gold. And 3) Pay attention to your release dates! Figure out the seasonal mood swings of the American people and only then will your film become successful. If only I ran Hollywood...

PMS: Happy birthday, Hilary Duff. Call me.

Read Clint's previous Rant on Chris Tucker here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on 80's Comedies here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on More Gems From The Mailbag here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Remakes here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Paris Hilton here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Stoopid Emails here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Rappers who are wannabe actors here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Why Action Movies Ain't here.