WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU AT, DUDE?!

Tucker, a well-praised stand-up motor mouth from Atlanta, Georgia, came to Hollywood and got his big break in 1995 as the drug-dealing "Smokey" in Ice Cube's Friday. Then after taking minor (but hilarious) roles in Dead Presidents, The Fifth Element and Jackie Brown, Tucker got his first starring role (and producing credit) alongside Charlie Sheen in Money Talks. But it wasn't until 1998's Rush Hour did he become a household name and low and behold, he didn't do a damn thing until Rush Hour 2 came along. But somewhere in between, Tucker signed a $45 million deal with New Line Cinema- $20 million to star in Rush Hour 2 and another $25 million to write and star in a comedy called "Mr. President". While Mr. President fell apart and eventually became the dreadful Head of State (with the less screen-funny Chris Rock), Tucker went on to make Rush Hour 2 and keep his $45 million. Then he did what any natural black comedian would do- drop of the face of the planet. Hey, Chappelle just did the same thing with his $50 million. But it makes you wonder, did they plan this from the beginning? Did Tucker realize early on that he had talent and came up with a masterful scheme to command $20 million paychecks over a short period of time then quit for good? Hey, just because you have a good singing voice and could make millions doing it doesn't mean you enjoy it. The problem with Tucker is, we want you back man! You only have half a dozen characters to your resume but they were all hilarious and memorable. How many other comedians out there can I say that about? Chris Rock can't act, Chappelle can't stay off the chronic long enough to make a movie that isn't about chronic and Eddie Griffin is still making Deuce Bigalow movies.

Maybe if I knew what was going on then I would understand better. Everyone has their reasons for retiring or taking a leave of absence. Demi Moore wants to raise her kids or Mel Gibson went crazy with religion or Sean Connery hates Hollywood (kudos to Mr. Bond by the way). I heard rumors that Tucker took a trip to Africa after his last movie and apparently it made him rethink his outlook on life. I remember him coming onto the MTV Movie Awards and talking about his trip, asking us to help the starving people in need. Naturally we ignored him and just wanted to see Lindsay Lohan again, but I distinctly remember it because it was just all so strange, the way he was behaving. That was the last we ever heard of him... until this year. Apparently he got pulled over for speeding recently, and then that jump-started the rumors that he was making a Rush Hour 3, which has been around for years now. Everyone involved still claims the movie's getting made, but I'll believe it when I see it. I'm sure if Brett Ratner succeeds with X3 then it will move along faster but if he fails (and he probably will) then it may never get made because Hollywood is just fucked up like that. But the chunky director that refers to himself in the third person claims that Tucker will only come out retirement for him. Hmm, could it be perhaps that New Line is willing to cough up another massive paycheck? Now while I'm thoroughly convinced that the Rush Hour movies would be nothing without Tucker, I am getting a bit sick and tired of these people asking for enormous paychecks when they haven't paid their dues. Take Vin Diesel for instance. I like Vin and I think he has a lot of talent, but the dude went off and made two movies and then demanded $20 million for a sequel to either The Fast and the Furious or XXX. Revolution told him to fuck off on both counts. Same with Tucker. While I think 's obviously a talented comedian, I don't think he had enough credibility to ask for $25 million a picture just yet. Could it be perhaps that Tucker has been shut out by Hollywood?

Maybe we'll never really know what happened. Chris, if you're reading this now, if you took the money and ran then shame on your black ass. You're way too talented to retire in your 30s just because you have more money than you've ever wanted. Sure, $45 million may seem like a lot of dough, but after you pay for all those speeding tickets and Jackie Chan sucking you off, you're going to need more. Now, if you really are out there somewhere doing something with your life such as feeding those sick children in Africa we all ignore, then good for you. But remember, with great scrutiny comes great power, and you must remain in the limelight to further serve whatever causes you may have, even if they are good. Do you know why we always change the channel when we see Sally Struthers with those African kids? Its not that we don't care about their well-being (well, I don't) we just don't care about Sally Struthers. Now if Sally had kept her career going and was still successful, then we'd care. So regardless of why you've taken this leave of absence from us... come on back! ITS BEEN TOO LONG!

Read Clint's previous Rant on 80's Comedies here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on More Gems From The Mailbag here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Remakes here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Paris Hilton here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Stoopid Emails here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Rappers who are wannabe actors here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Why Action Movies Ain't here.