Classics film entries like The Sixth Man, Senseless, Dungeons and Dragons, White Chicks, Blankman, Mo Money, Major Payne, Earth Girls are Easy- the list goes on and on. They managed to run The Wayans TV show for over 5 seasons, which entailed a mind boggling 40 writers. Either no one wanted the job or they all got drunk and started banging on typewriters. Friends, which aired for a decade didn’t even have half that many writers. But The Wayans was on the WB, the Alan Smithee of television networks. And I’m not sure what ABC was thinking when they let My Wife and Kids air for 4 seasons, before thankfully axing the show last year. We live in a sad society where shows like Arrested Development, Deadwood, and even Family Guy (Dvd sales brought Family Guy back from the dead) meet unexpected early demises, yet The Wayans aired longer than any of them.

But somehow, coked out studio execs keep letting these bums work. Homey the Clown is set for a release in 2007. This character’s shelf life of humor was about as long as the cha-ching commercial, so yeah for about 5 minutes back in 1989. Audiences of any common sense or intelligence above an ant level don’t want to see crap like this. They also have The Munsters in the works, which I’m sure will be butchered and bastardized, much like the films Guess Who and The Honeymooners, all of classic descent.

Now there is the most recent atrocity, Little Man, which is released this July. This is the latest from the brilliant Kennan Ivory Wayans who sold his soul to the devil to make White Chicks. I’d like someone to hit you with a baseball bat Keenan. After watching this ungodly terrible trailer that announces ‘from the writers of white chicks’, I then realized how talentless the Wayan brothers are. IMDB summarizes this piece of garbage as a wannabe dad (Shawn Wayans) mistakes a vertically challenged criminal on the lam (Marlon Wayans) as his newly adopted son. Marlon’s face has been CGI’D onto a the body of a CGI’D baby. This is destined to become a top 10 entry to IMDB’s bottom 100, as well as solid entry to the white elephant game played at Christmas time. I would like to have a cup of coffee with the person that green-lit this idea, and then kindly run them over and over again with my car.

But really, can I blame you? That is the question. You all have made a career on creating and starring in so many horrible films, you’ve given the WB movies of the week for years to come.

I mean, I guess you sort of are inspirational. You give hope to the many wanting to go into the film business. A squirrel does find a nut every once in a while. Maybe Darren Aronofsky was on heroin himself when casting Requiem for a Dream, because someone let Marlon sneak on the set and land a role in the film. Screaming loudly and acting like a drug addict boded quite well for Marlon. It really can’t be that hard, just ask Robert Downey Jr. It must be sad to be Marlon Wayans, especially when your claim to fame is Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.

Your films should be a library for those contemplating suicide. Because after watching, you realize that cutting your wrist isn’t the answer. I mean these guys haven’t cut theirs, and probably have every reason too. They are still taking part in crappy films. So although I started off this topic with eat shit and die, maybe I should change that to fat thank you. Thanks for making me realize that no matter how untalented I might think I am, I can always say, at least I’m not a Wayans brother.

Oh, before I go, don't forget to check out my other hidey hole here on the web - http://filmmonthlyblog.blogspot.com/

Read Clint's previous Rant on Lay Off Sly! here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Silly Emails! here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Jessica Alba here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on George Lucas here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on New Year's Resolutions here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Santa's Mailbag here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Release Date Retards here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Chris Tucker here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on 80's Comedies here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on More Gems From The Mailbag here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Remakes here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Paris Hilton here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Stoopid Emails here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Rappers who are wannabe actors here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Why Action Movies Ain't here.