11) Turn all rappers-turned-actors from Hollywood by giving out free chicken and car rims just outside of LA. Then build a wall surrounding Tinseltown and anyone whose pants are below their ass will be immediately shot. At least theyll have something to rap about later.

10) Design the nastiest computer virus known to man and unleash its fury among those who send us emails here at Film Monthly with fucking retarded questions. Those who receive this virus will be forced to watch The Perfect Man starring Hilary Duff over their respective computer monitors.

9) Force Paris Hilton to eat shit and die. Not particularly in that order.

8) Suck the Governator off again (and bring a condom this time) so that he may pass a law that requires over 50% of all comedies to be Rated R or higher.

7) Send a free plane ticket to Hawaii to every producer that greenlit a remake this year and unleash deadly snakes on the plane.

6) Find Mel Gibson's mind for him and deliver it personally to his private island.

5) Take a trip to Africa to find Chris Tucker and lure him back to the States with a giant bong filled with crisp $1000 bills.

4) Delete Hilary Duff from my phone book for she is now 18.

3) Establish Corky from Life Goes On as the new Head of Marketing in Hollywood, specifically focusing on releasing films during the proper seasons and eliminating shit films released in January.

2) Assassinate Nick Cannon and bury him next to Tupac in my backyard.

1) Kidnap the Presidents of Advertising Agencies all around the US and force them to watch an entire years worth of commercials and television spots inside a movie theater before the actual film (The Perfect Man). They will be provided with unloaded pistols as an amusing tease of relief.

Read Clint's previous Rant on Santa's Mailbag here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Release Date Retards here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Chris Tucker here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on 80's Comedies here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on More Gems From The Mailbag here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Remakes here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Paris Hilton here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Stoopid Emails here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Rappers who are wannabe actors here.
Read Clint's previous Rant on Why Action Movies Ain't here.