10) X-MEN: THE LAST STAND- The black sheep of the list seeing as how I’m the only one who thoroughly enjoyed this flick. Despite a weak ending it had tons of action, laughs and great effects. Even more watchable than the original.

9) CLERKS II- With a rare sequel that surpasses the original on numerous levels, Kevin Smith has written the most hilarious, vulgar (and yes, heartfelt) story since Chasing Amy. Extra kudos to Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes for setting the bar.

8) SNAKES ON A PLANE- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the greatest B-movie ever made. With tons of cool snake kills and smooth one-liners, this flick was probably the most fun I had at the movies in 06.

7) CASINO ROYALE- The best Bond film EVER. Director Martin Campbell has successfully reinvented the genre with grit and style. And smooth talker Daniel Craig makes the previous Bonds look like Mr. Bean.

6) LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE- Hands down the best indie flick of the year. Cutie pie Abigail Breslin deserves an Oscar and the husband/wife directing team have more than proved their worth in the feature film department. My face hurt afterwards from smiling so much.

5) UNITED 93- This one was hard to stomach, but man was it tremendous filmmaking. Decades from now people will look back on this as THE 9/11 film. If you think you can handle it, I couldn’t think of a better way to honor the men and women on this plane than witnessing their courageous story.

4) TALLADEGA NIGHTS- Will Ferrell’s finest hour. With the greatest comedic cast man has to offer, this flick brings it’s A-game in the comedy department and then some. Here’s hoping Ferrell and Adam McKay can sustain this level of humor in future flicks.

3) BORAT- I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard in my life as I did at this movie. Relentlessly funny from start to finish. As one of the few people who hasn’t sued Coen at this point, I’m proud to say Borat was the comedy to see this year and if you didn’t laugh your ass off at this you simply have no soul.

2) THE DEPARTED- Sweet Jesus, what a nail-biter this was. Ties Goodfellas for best Scorsese picture ever. The only time in recent memory I could say I was literally on the edge of my seat. A terrific cast, phenomenal script and skillful directing make this my front-runner for Best Picture.

1) MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III- All hail the action picture! Newcomer J.J. Abrams creates the perfect environment to play in, delivering the most thrilling action flick of the past ten years. The only movie I’ve ever viewed twice (and back-to-back) on opening night. With breathtaking adventure sequences and a rapid-fire pace, producer Tom Cruise proves that despite his fucked up personal life, he certainly hasn’t lost his blockbuster touch.

HONORABLE MENTION

CLICK- The most heart-warming movie of the year from the guy that brought you Happy Gilmore???

JACKASS: NUMBER TWO- I shit my pants twice laughing so hard, and so did the cast.

LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN- A slick little thriller that oozes coolness. Killer twist ending too.

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST- Captain Jack is back and I salute you.

ROCKY BALBOA- Underdog Stallone puts his beloved Italian Stallion to rest with class and dignity.

BOTTOM TEN

10) ULTRAVIOLET- Word to the wise: when the comic book blows ass that means the movie will too. Mila Jovovich should go back to not acting and all the supporting cast should be shot Iraqi style.

9) DECK THE HALLS- Two of the most annoying actors on the planet starring in the same flick is enough to torture even the deaf, dumb and blind. I hated I the first time too when it was called Christmas with the Kranks.

8) HARSH TIMES- If I wanted to see a movie about two thugs driving around trying to score drugs for two hours I would’ve watched Driving Miss Daisy. This movie goes nowhere fast, and Christian Bale should be lynched for his involvement.

7) HOSTEL- Its official: Eli Roth has tricked the American public into thinking he’s a talented, original filmmaker. This guy has no fucking clue what he’s doing, which is probably why this movie makes no sense from start-to-finish. As soon as you retards wake up and smell the roses, this ass-bag will keep making money.

6) THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE- Too bad there wasn’t an escape clause for this flaming piece of shit. Tim Allen was done before he ever started. I heard the real Santa died of a heart attack while watching this. Or was that Roger Ebert…

5) SILENT HILL- The most ridiculous, incoherent turd since Hostel. I’ll give anyone $20 if they could explain the ending to me… even if you’re homeless. This movie made Jesus cry.

4) THE COVENANT- Hollywood should make a covenant to never allow Renny Harlin to work on a film again. Even if this were presented as a silent film you would still shoot yourself over the bad acting. The office of Abercrombie and Fitch is not a good place for a casting director to be visiting.

3) BLACK CHRISTMAS- It breaks my heart to see three Christmas movies on my bottom ten. Either this is the worst horror movie of the new millennium, or it’s a genius documentary on just how stupid sorostitutes are.

2) ERAGON- My idea of hell is being forced to watch this film over and over. Terrible acting and a fucking wretched script do not a good movie make. Somewhere right now Peter Jackson is slitting his wrists. The best drunken comedy of the year.

1) THE DA VINCI CODE- This gets bumped to the top of the list mainly because of its box office success. This enrages me like no other. This film symbolizes every single thing that’s wrong with Hollywood today, ranging from poor adaptation to dreadful dialogue/acting to the Tom Hanks mullet. And simultaneously, the American public responds by making it a $200+ million smash. For every person that endorsed this flick: you are the reason why Hollywood keeps churning out fucking tasteless garbage like this almost all year round. Shame on you and take a bottle of sleeping pills.

DISHONORABLE MENTION

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA- The most unfunny comedy in the history of film. I don’t get it. FEAST- No wonder Project Greenlight didn’t get renewed. And THIS script beat out millions of others?

LADY IN THE WATER- I love Shyamalan, but every once in a while he needs to be bitch-slapped and harnessed.

NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VAN WILDER 2: THE RISE OF TAJ- Still don’t fucking see this movie…

SCARY MOVIE 4- Please make them stop!!!

MUST-SEE OF 2007

1) RUSH HOUR 3- All hail the great return of Chris Tucker and the Action/Comedy!

2) LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD- After 12 long years McClane is back to kill some more fucking terrorists.

3) SPIDER-MAN 3- Does this really need endorsement from anyone?

4) OCEAN’S 13- Thank God they’re not ending with 12. You can always count on this gang for a good time.

5) TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES- The final trailer made me cream my jeans. Stunning and hilarious.

6) FANBOYS- Just watch the trailer. This movie is about ME.

7) KNOCKED UP- Judd Apatow can do no wrong, and this time he has hottie Katherine Heigl on board.

8) PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END- Here’s hoping its as fun as the first two.

9) RENO 911: MIAMI- I’ve never seen an unfunny episode of the show, and the movie looks mighty promising.

10) I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY- Adam Sandler and Kevin James pose as a gay couple. Nuff said.